What time is it?

Advice time! Our new email address (jarofpaperclips@gmail.com) has provided an amazing opportunity to get an even larger volume of questions than ever before. So the least we can do is answer them! This one seems to carry some urgency:

dear jar of paperclips,

how do i become a better blogger? should i maybe just admit that i don't want to be a good blogger? or is that simply not true?

xo
in need in durham

Hmmm. I think I know who this is. "In need," I think what you need to do is think about what it means to be "a good blogger." Does it mean you're in charge of posting cute videos of pets? (ed. note: I think it does) Does it mean you update every day? (ed. note: nope) Does it mean you should just write when you feel like it and not worry about it? We don't begrudge you anything, so just write whatev whenev! No big deal. You're always welcome here.

Next!

Dear Jar of Paperclips,

My husband has been acting really strange lately, and I noticed some woman's name on his cell phone last week. I asked him who she was and he got angry and didn't speak to me for the rest of the night. Finally, he confessed that he'd been seeing her and left late one night, I assumed to be with her. I couldn't take it anymore and ran outside, beating him to the car, and slashed the tires with a kitchen knife. He grabbed the kitchen knife out of my hand and held it against my throat. He told me he would kill me if I tried to stop him. That was 3 days ago. I'm terrified, and I can't leave the house. What should I do??

[no signature]

Whoa. Intensity alert! My recommendation is this: find a good lawyer and press whatever charges you can (it varies state-to-state) NOW. Get a restraining order. Find a friend with a gun. Move out of that house immediately and put as much distance as you can between you and your husband. This marriage is over, in case you hadn't noticed! Next step: take some self-defense classes, preferably with a personal trainer. Spend a long time at a gym learning moves. Make a montage of the footage. After a couple of years, wait for him in his house and show off those moves! Rent Enough, starring Jennifer Lopez, for tips.

Got a question? Send it on to jarofpaperclips@gmail.com!