vague clothing store names: part 1

GENERAL PANTS Co.

When I spent a semester in Australia I noticed a store called General Pants Co.



Immediately my mind reeled and I laughed. What the hell kind of name is that for a store? It boggles the mind. I can't figure out how they're using the word 'general.' There are two possibilities:

Either they're using it in the military rank sense. As in General Pants, Lieutenant Shorts, Colonel Hats, Major Bras, and so on. Which would be cute if the whole gamut of stores existed (and if there were also a whole cast of cartoon mascots to go along with the stores, anthropomorphic bras with chevrons on them, etc.) , but by itself is kind dumb.

Or they're using general to mean 'non-specific' or 'somewhat indefinite'. If that is the case, then bravo. It's like some plucky entrepreneur started selling clothes at an outdoor market and someone came up to him and asked, "so what are you selling here?" And the guy responds with, "Well, in general ...pants." And thus was born general pants co.

General Pants-
"if you were to come in here, you'd see a lot of pants, of no particular style."

"we have a pants-ish aura"

"for the most part, pants"

BTW check out the general pants corporate website here and you'll see a pants-crappingly grotesque example of what it looks like when a corporation tries to market towards hipsters.

"As one of Australia's leading fashion apparel retailers, the General Pants Group exists to disrupt the average."

Disrupt the average? Fucking terrible. That mantra is like a watered down mountain dew line. Fuck YEAH! lets jostle the norm! That'll show 'em. We're really going to rattle the status quo this crime. Christ, who'd they pay to come up with that take no prisoners slogan? General Slogan Co.?

:(

In school, when you have 15 pages to write, it's called a paper and you have weeks or months or at least days to do it. And if it's really bad, you can drink while you write and edit while you're sober. And you can work late at night! And carry your laptop wherever you want. And then you get your work back and there are nice comments all over it and you get an A and it feels great. Sometimes you win a prize, it's so good!

But when you write 15 pages at work, it's called a memo and you have to do it during working hours and you have to be sober the whole time and sure you get paid for it but it's not all that interesting and once you turn it in it gets circulated as an email attachment and mentioned in a meeting but that's it. And you just want to go home.

Ughhhhhh.

A Couple of Holiday Don'ts

Wow, there's so much going on. Where to start??

How about at Kansas Keepsakes, which my friend Josh told me about:

Joshua: you might get a kick out of this business that my company helped

http://kansaskeepsakes.com/

or maybe it will seem normal to you

me: holy shit

Joshua: haha

you pay $275 a head to scrapbook at this house in rural kansas for a couple days

you have to pay 30 days in advance

there are 2 beds to a room

click on "calendar"

I was about to say "we deserve a recession," because it's obvious to anyone with eyes that the scrapbooking trend is just a way to spend money on heart- and star-shaped hole punches and tell people you're "artsy" or creative or something, when in reality you're unoriginal and bored and have money to burn and no real memories to treasure. It's also really annoying when someone's showing you their scrapbook and it's two pictures on a page but with the rest of the 11x17 space filled with bric-a-brac and pre-stamped labels like "BaTh TiMe!" or, not to beat a dead horse, "Live Laugh Love." But then I clicked on the calendar, and I feel bad for the owner. Maybe it's a good idea (??), and maybe it was even successful for a time, but it doesn't look like many people are going for Kansas Keepsakes. HOLIDAY DON'T: get me a gift certificate to this place.

Next is the Beer Belly ("Stealth Beverage System") and Wine Rack ("every girls [sic] best friend!"), which I think are funny but could be major liabilities, for a number of reasons, if you actually used them.
The Beer Belly actually looks fun, and part of me wants to say the Wine Rack does, too, except it gives me pause that most of the users seem to be interested in its cup-enhancing features.

First, read the product description: Take a bottle of wine, a mixed drink or even a fifth of your favorite hard stuff to the movies, concerts, ball games, even PTA meetings. Sporting a rack that will turn heads and serving a beverage that will have guys standing in line for a sip of your secret stash!

Gross. And then some of the product's reviewers: I just bought 2 wineracks for my friends for xmas... we go to tons of concerts, games and events, so this is awesome for us... sadly, I am more well endowed, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that you guys come out with a larger size ASAP... you really don't think I can smush some DDs into a medium, huh? :)

and

does anyone have "before and after" photos that they would share? I am interested in what it looks like on other body type / sizes / shapes.

Whenever I see cup-enhancing products for sale--especially when they involve pouring 25 oz. of wine into your bra--I wonder how the women wearing them deal with the days they're not wearing them. Like who do they think they're fooling? Something nice about the Wine Rack is that they've thought about at least the hour-to-hour differences and created a way to inflate the cups with air after you've consumed the wine. That's a nice touch. I guess the main HOLIDAY DON'T here is don't get caught drinking hard liquor from your bra at a PTA meeting.

Carine & Charlotte

It's rumored that Anna Wintour will get fired this holiday season. When will this economy stop making me suffer? If it turns out the new hire rumors are true the editor of French Vogue, Carine Roitfeld, will become the new editor of American Vogue. She seems really cool! In a Parisian way, but also in a fashion world way. I just found this out when I was googling images of her, but she's on Time's list of 100 Influential People of 2008. They say, "she has an innate ability to mix street culture and society, always avoiding the caricatures that can define both worlds and always recognizing the mix of both worlds as the only catalyst of energy and creativity". She also kind of looks like Iggy Pop.

French Vogue doesn't seem as focused on typical beauties and boring models. IE Charlotte Gainsbourg got a whole issue to guest-edit! The cover looks really awesome.

She's a little overly-styled, but still. I want to read this issue. I find her whole family fascinating.

joaquin joaquin joaquin!

He's getting rougher and rougher, and the stress is taking a toll on everyone around him.

Get me this for Christmas

Please!

Say what you want, but

the Obamas look like a really close, loving family. My coworker sent me these pictures after the discovery of the Flickr election night album (which you can and should see here). And then I found some more.

Above is Sasha and her dad at the Iowa State Fair.

Below is Malia and her dad in Hawaii.


Here he's stepping off the plane on Monday 11/1:


And this baby is just not sure!


Check out a tonnnn more of these at http://www.huffingtonpost.com/news/obama-slideshow

Jar of Paperclips, Jar of Questions

It's been a while since the last Hi Fever advice column, and a lot of that has to do with the calibre of questions we've been getting. Some are unpublishable (presented here with edits for our younger readers), some aren't worth acknowledging as questions, and all are obviously made up. Actually, one might be real.

But I'm answering them anyway, because of my passion for advice. Send us something legit at hifever40@yahoo.com or jarofpaperclips@gmail.com!

Q: My boyfriend sleeps on top of monkeys. I really want him to get it down to just one monkey. What should I do?

A: The easiest way to respond to this is with stuffed animals in mind. Am I right? So, well, it sounds like you're dating a child. Replace his monkeys with pillows and see how he reacts. If he's fine, keep him around. If he can't sleep without monkeys, you need to break it off.

Q: Is broccoli safe to put up your [behind]?

A: Probably not, but if it's sterile, I guess it's ok. Check with your doctor. If you're mature enough to bring it up to him or her, you're mature enough to give broccoli a try.

Q: I need more balls in my life. Who can help me with that?

A: There are two ways you could go here: you could visit any sporting goods store, OR you could try to meet some available men. The good news is that sometimes it's easy to do both at the same time! You could take up a new sport and make some friends at the same time. Good luck!

Q: Someone said they want to give me a portugeuse omlet [sic]. What is that?

A: Have you looked it up anywhere else on the internet? I just did. I thought you made it up! I can't print this.

Q: I really want a dog, but I live in a tiny apartment. My roommates think it would be ok if i got a small dog but, it seems wrong for her to have no space to run around. What do you think?

A: Good question--it's great that your roommates are fine with it, but you've hit on something really important about the space issue. A dog could make you happy, but she or he deserves to be happy as well. And I know what doesn't make dogs happy: small, cramped apartments. And think of the money. Owning a dog at this point in your life will result in that dog effectively going to your ATM and withdrawing more of your money than you ever thought s/he could. You should wait until you move somewhere with more room.

That's it for today, everyone. Until JoP changes its name (that's another thing: suggestions? we need to do better than what's sitting on my desk), you can send your questions either to Hi Fever's address (hifever40@yahoo.com) or to us at jarofpaperclips@gmail.com.

bye! good

I've been seeing these stories for awhile and I don't know what to make of them. Joaquin Phoenix is walking away from acting to pursue his music career. Yawn. Today there are more reports of Joaquin's behavior crossing over into the the drug-addled/confused/acting weird line. He's always interested me (aka he's cute...just kidding!), but seriously he always chose interesting roles and was mostly great in them (Alexander notwithstanding). Walk the Line was enjoyable - trying to be overly dramatic in parts, and did Reese really deserve the Oscar? I liked the overall look of the film, actually now that I think of it I wonder if the creator of Mad Men got some of his ideas from this movie. The music of Johnny Cash is always good. However, on his own do I think Joaquin is going to make good music? Let's look at the facts - statistically this is just not going to work. For every J.Lo there's a Mandy Moore lurking. For every Bruce Willis, there's a Russell Crowe. What am I saying? He's probably not going to make it, but I would sure like to see him try.

A Real Con-knit-drum!

A few years ago, when I started knitting scarves, I was so enthusiastic that I threw questions about length and weight out the window and focused on knitting as many as I could with the best (not highest quality, but it usually wouldn't take much to thrill me as far as texture and color go) yarns I could find. So now that I care more about how things look, I find myself with a drawer full of scarves unfit to give away, much less wear. All made with perfectly good, expensive yarns that I'd hate to throw away.

So I was thinking: couldn't I unravel the scarves, ball up the yarn, and knit new scarves? Obviously I would have to combine some of them, because on their own they're embarrassingly short. But that'd be ugly. But then I remembered a scarf Georgia made one time with different yarns--lengthwise instead of widthwise she combined them, and it looked great! I just need to figure out how to get long-enough needles for that. Does anyone have any tips for dealing with scraps of high-quality yarn? Any tiny projects? Anything?

Tuesday Cake Wrecks!

I found another blog of specific found/observation/whatever humor: Cake Wrecks! These are all pictures of cakes baked by professionals, people who depend on this income to make a living.

This cake was served at P.Diddy's 10th anniversary celebration for Bad Boy. It looks great.

This one is just sorta depressing.

Man, turning 40 looks like it sucks!

Kermit Bale

Though some people have come to hate the name of this blog - Winnie - I found something today that is great. It's no secret I love the Muppets and Kermit the Frog. My friend, Katie, was just saying the other day how Kermit is not a name you can use on your kids anymore - when could you ever have used it on kids - but I could def see using it on a dog in my future. This morning though I found this. A website, blog page, whatever, devoted to comparing Christian Bale and Kermit the Frog. Kermit Bale. The premise is they are more alike then we think. Which after perusing the pictures - I'm convinced! I thought this might be nice for the Newsies (sp?) fan in all of us- Winnie - and the Kermit fan in all of us - me.

to save

Ah-hahahahhaha

All I can do is post moobies? Maybe yes.




AND


This cat is playing a see through piano.

death by cute

this is preeeetty cute. those of weak heart shouldn't watch.

sorry i missed your party

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

lost

I'm still new to the show but I found this today. Is this what I can expect in season 3?

bookzz

is anybody reading anything good lately? i'm stuck on some postmodernism essay thing and I think i want something fresh.

"we've all worn confederate flags to school before"

This girl tried to wear a confederate flag dress to prom, and it isn't even pretty. I could understand her situation maybe a little better if the dress was really lovely and expensive and made her look like a wonderful princess, but (and I'm sorry, Jacqueline) it looks awful. PLUS it's a confederate flag, which is an automatic fail. Anyway here's the article: http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=42046

muxtape madness!

Have you guys seen this muxtape.com business? It's great! If you're doing work and want something good to listen to that you won't have to think too hard about, this is way better than last.fm or imeem or whatever else the kids have right now. I could never figure out how to enjoy that biz but now i don't have to. Here's a "mux" i'm really "digging" right now: http://fastidio.muxtape.com/

and there are tons more, easily navigable through the pretty site design. and you can add your own! I'll be "muxing" as lemonchar (idk why but i used to have lemonadecharade on AIM) so check back sometime and maybe i'll have something up!

She's Gone

I've never ordered anything from tv - but I've come close. The Time Life Classic Soft Rock Collection. Everything about this infomercial is brilliant. It's 30 mins of great tv. It goes without saying that I love the songs. That being said - I particularly love the footage they are able to bring to these standard classics. Who doesn't love to see Stevie Nicks in the middle of all her Rumours glory?? Or to actually see what Gino Vinelli actually looks like - the master behind the hit I Just Wanna Stop. Or when the chords for Escape (the Pina Colada song) come on and you see a bunch of 70's hair?? I really love it when on my radio at work I hear one of the songs from this collection. The ones I'm really into right now - Chuck E's in Love and Lotta Love. A common misconception is that it's just 70's soft rock. Wrong! It's heavy on the 70's, I'll give it that. BUT we've got 90's soft rock too - Jessie anyone?? Look it up.

Enough about the songs. Let's talk about the presentation. It's all set around this open house. With our hosts above - from Air Supply. Occasionally they break into song - Even the Nights are Better. I prefer when they are sitting in the wicker furniture in the beginning because they've got a pitcher of lemonade on the table in front of them. I used to watch this in the dead of winter, and it still made me want lemonade. It looks delicious. I take points away because the background looks extremely fake. They want me to think they are in a house on the Northern California coast. Well I'm not buying it. But they reel me in when they start to sell the cd's because in front of the cd's they've added soft rocks in front of the product. Genius! A nod to the 70's Pet Rock phenomenon and also a play on words. Every time I watch this it takes me back.

the perfect food!

What makes food good for me is that it is delicious, has high fiber/protein content, is cheapish but not too cheap, lasts a long time, goes with many other foods, and is good for the environment etc. Is there any food that exists with all of these? Apples? No! There's no protein in apples. Pasta? Boring! Bread? Lasts for like 5 days, then gets moldy! Realistically, not much can do all of this. Except.

This!!
Which is all of this:



Yesterday, after not being able to find these lil' treasures for what seemed like years, they popped up in the freezer section at Whole Foods. I think they're like $3.79 there, but in the past, I've found them at Trader Joe's and Target for more like $2.49. But just between you and me, I'd still buy them if they were $100.49. Because they are so super-good.

Last night, we cooked some with green beans and mashed potatoes and it was, even with a nice beer, cheap (about $7, split 2 ways) and pretty quick. Not to mention fun!

While I'm thinking about it, here are some of my other favorite meat substitutes:

-Whole Foods mock chicken salad (regular and barbeque)
-Whole Foods vegan crabcakes (which are, I just found out, made from mock chicken salad)
-Quorn Gruyère Cutlets
-Morningstar Sausage Patties

Of course, you can't compare these to real meat--except for their main-dish status in a meal--or you'll always be grossed-out and/or disappointed. Or not. For me, the texture of all of these is better than that of real meat, because i don't have any guilt or weird feelings about biting into muscle fiber and other tissue. But in any case, even if you're a daily meat-eater, these riblets are as close to perfect as any food i've ever encountered.

Stash that bottle

Trash art:

Choose Your Own Adventure

Yesterday, as I was walking home I spied a black Jansport tossed into the bushes alongside a main road. The backpack was obviously stuffed to the brim with something. I stopped for a minute to consider my options. It felt like a gameshow. Behind door number one could be a slew of options: a bundle of interesting letters and photos I could voyeuristically enjoy, tons of pot, money I'd wrestle with taking home, a human head, a gun, a baby, a kitten, a pie, a basketball (I once got in trouble in elementary school for stuffing a basketball inside the backpack of a red-headed boy I despised...so I know these things happen).

My bet was on the grimmer of these choices. That's the problem with snooping like that--people don't usually throw back-packs filled with harmless objects out of windows. Perhaps as soon as I picked it up, a police duo would blindside me and arrest me for possession of THE WEED. Or maybe the human head would permanently alter my sanity. Or some hoodlums would begin to stake out in front of my house once they realized I had their stash of guns.

The polar route is that the backpack contained some case-concluding evidence that I could have turned in to the Durham police, perhaps catupalting my name out there is local hero territory, thus setting myself up for free meals at local restaurants, and a general glowing admiration in the wake all of my perambulating.

But instead of picking it up, I just left it there. Nice and cozy in its mystery and brush.

old pictures

I think i talk too much about France in real life, so let's agree that this is the first and last time it will come up here. ok!!!!

Recently i became friends on facebook with a guy i studied in France with. His name was Marcello and he acted as the Italian playboy in every situation (in class, where his answers in discussion circles typically involved sex and hash; at bars; in the dorm; at meals). He put some pictures in an album that are all old and from that year and it really threw me to see all these people's faces together again, if only through a computer screen.

I'm not in any of the pictures, which is fine, because usually I avoided going out at night with him and his little group. All of us were reasonably close, that is, more or less separate from the French students unless we made a point of going out with the French, but he and his were too much. Below is the only picture where i thought i saw myself. I wore a lot of outfits that combined teal and Carolina blue, and i got coffee a lot in that cafe, so i thought, hey, maybe i am in one! But no, it's one of the Spanish girls. To her right is Mark, from Australia, who was drunk all the time--even in yoga class, even at 9:00 exams. At the far left are Paolo, Thomas, and Sebastian, who are great guys. I miss them.



Here's another one. Marcello is on the left. Ross and Thomas are beside him. Man, now that I think about it, I really liked all of these people (except Mark and a few more). But man.