Paintin'

Today I signed a lease for a new place in Chapel Hill, and I like it a lot. BUT. The paint color in the kitchen and in my bedroom is sick. I mean, it looks sickly. The way the paint in the kitchen looks is the way institutional bathroom cleaner smells.

Soooo: what is a good color to paint a kitchen?

And a bedroom? Mine only has one window, so I want to maximize the natural light and go with something bright (or just not the dusty carolina blue that's there now).

I can't get my mind off a sage green, but that's boring as heck. And don't tell me yellow. Or beige?

Raleigh is crazy!

I knew we had a lot of rain this morning, but this much?

Resident LaTonya Muldrow was trapped in her home with her two-week-old son.

“I got him. I ran upstairs and we just stayed upstairs,” Muldrow said. “Then someone came and busted in the door and said we had to get out.”

Muldrow and her child were among 60 people to escape the area on boats.

Jason Kim said he lost his car and all of his belongings in the flood.

Is this the same Raleigh??!? And tomorrow is supposed to be even crazier. Like that's possible!

[wral.com]

Update!

I just saw this article about small-town blog wars in Wisconsin, and clicked through to the star blog. The best, craziest blog, written by the stars of the best, craziest censorship controversy in Wisconsin library history! I mentioned it last week, but I'll say it again: Ginny Maziarka, (pictured at right) the author of a claim for damages seeking "the right to publicly burn or destroy by another means" Francesca Lia Block's Baby Be-Bop (and lots of other books, it turns out, including The Perks of Being a Wallflower) is a total nut. And her nutty blog is appalling. But guess what! I support her right to free speech. So here are some of her thoughts:

Introducing excerpts taken out of context from some young-adult books.

Gunning for Proposition 8.

Then all of a sudden, concerned about the gays!

Putting it in terms of rejecting parents.

And, honestly, it's sort of boring. I also hesitate to give them more pageviews/attention, but this is ridiculous and etc. For a group of people who hates the Taliban (and, by extension, can we assume militant theocracy?) so much--not to mention socialism->communism!--, they seem to have an awful lot in common with them.

A Massage Story: Part Two: The Aftermath

Overall, I rate my massage 8.1. It went well, and it was definitely worth the money, and I'm going back soon (sometime before I hop on a plane to go to my friend's wedding Pennsylvania and visit Robert in New York) because the stress-relieving aspect of it is obvious. But guess what wasn't obvious to me? How the minutes in the hour are spent. So please, allow me to demystify it for you.

First, I got a "consultation," where I had to describe any medical problems/medication I had/have, and what kind of therapy I was seeking. My response was basically: do whatever you have to do to fix my neck. At this point, in the consultation room, my masseuse came in. He looked possibly younger than me (?!) but his arms were huge. The kind of guy where, if I were a guy, I would be intimidated. And he looked like a member of the Lopez family (Mario Lopez, that is).

The next step was hard. After getting in the room itself, the reality of the situation hit me: I'm paying someone to touch me. A lot. I'm not a very touchy person--not a big hugger, cuddler, or snuggler--with anyone I'm not dating or related to (or sober with). So it was weird.

But not that weird, because hey, what's the worst that could happen? Nothing? I'm not flattering myself when I say the thought of molestation crossed my mind, because I work with people (lawyers) who represent sexual harassment cases and it can happen to literally anyone. Not saying I'm hotter than an elderly man, but if things happen to an elderly man at the dentist, things can happen to a 25-year-old girl at the massage parlor. But so here's the crazy part: the masseuse is a professional. And the chances of his being any of the things that could make massage problematic as a career are so, so, so tiny (For every proctologist that's a sex addict, there are 5 million mentally healthy proctologists...for example) SO I was able to relax.

And it was the bomb! I have no idea how back muscles are structured or layered, but it was obvious I was the only one in the room who didn't. I wish I could say more, but I wasn't able to see anything, and it'd be boring if I tried to think of different ways to say "feels good...relaxing...therapeutic." So just take my word for it: worth it.

Here's a note about something weird, though: I noticed little signs everywhere about tipping guidelines: $10 if it was just "ok," $20 if it was "good," and $25 if it was "excellent." I was already paying $50 for the hour. Are they not compensating their masseuses enough? Why the need for huge tips? Stuff like this makes me doubt the legitimacy of the business. And I want to know why such an enormous tip is necessary.

The relaxing effects didn't last long, unfortunately, because as I pulled out of the parking lot, smoke and a burning-plastic smell began to seep out from the hood of my car. Crazily enough, I was on my way to get an oil change anyway, but it was suddenly turning into a much more stressful and difficult ordeal. Would I still be able to read magazines in the waiting room at Jiffy Lube? No. But did I lose my cool? No. Did I freak out when I had to risk my life driving to my mechanic? And find out what an expensive repair I'd need? No.

So, again, in sum: it was worth it, it didn't really weird me out, and it wasn't that painful the next day. Just about as painful as a tricky yoga class, which is how I got there in the first place.

Sufficient Fest

In the ongoing search at JoP for interesting people and news, we sat down with 2 of the 3 founders of Sufficient Records. Read on to find out more about this start-up record company that is just good enough!

What or who is the driving force behind Sufficient records?
Joe: Me and Grey, w/ a little help from our friends. The bands make it "real".

Grey: Before we get started I want to announce that Tony Scumbag is retiring from the music business.

Describe an average Sufficient business day.
J: I usually gchat Grey about our future plans for the label which include uploading mp3 files to our myspace, sufficientrecords.bandcamp.com, and archive.org.

G: Tony made it clear that he is “exhausted” but stresses that every note was played “strictly for the fans.”

Do you actively go out and recruit talent from around the area?
J: We like to keep a strict separation between artistes and the TEAM by communicating solely through digital avenues. It's a lot less messy this way when we decide to drop an artist from our roster.

G: Yeah we do that occasionally, you’ll see us a lot at the Horseshoe Inn or the Wildhorse and while we do have a lot of fun at these events there is definitely a business aspect to it as well.

What are defining characteristics of Sufficient bands? How would I know when I hear a Sufficient band?
J: innovative, unique, bold, funny, fresh, WOW! (it hits you). We have a large variety of talent on our label: from lo-fi introspective indie rock, to polished electronic and even stand-up comedy!

G: We love harmonizing vocals, I don’t want to say it’s a must-have to join our team but it does go a long way when we are sifting through all the stuff we get. Our music usually has a crisp Phil Collins CD-ROM sound to it which is territory that really hasn’t been explored since “Sports”.

What bands that you have played in over the years have influenced you the most?

G: Sugar Ray/Kansas

What bands outside of Sufficient do you take the most inspiration from?

G: I can’t tell you how many times each day I look at Joe and say “That’s what we should do” (laughs). How many times does that happen man, like a thousand? I guess what I’m saying is everything inspires us, from a lightning strike to a great Lisa Loeb single to the click of a mouse.

In Seattle, what do you find is the best club to play music at?

G: Ace’s Horseshoe Inn, Crazy Horse Tavern, The Barnhouse, Horses Wild, The Wild Horsehead…you want me to pick one??

In this era of home recording and distributing local music, other start-ups like Sufficient have emerged (ie: Sufficient Records). How do you distinguish yourself from these other competitors?

G: I know what you’re fishing for here and I won’t play along. I have such a deep respect for those guys and the sound they’re going for and seriously, we only want the best for them and their bands.

What are the biggest accomplishments of Sufficient to date?

J: T-Shirts (thanks Jake), putting out 6 damn fine releases, including a compilation CD which includes artists from NC-WA-NY, one of our alums (Patrick Wimberly of Chairlift) getting signed to Universal Records, and last but not least, our Angelfire page.

G: Joe would disagree with me on this but I thought the Sufficient Records/Tostito’s Baja 500 “Race to the Place” rally event was a big success. Meeting Ivan “Ironman” Stewart was a childhood dream of mine.

What is the biggest time of year for Sufficient on the whole?

J: Summertime, when the livin' is easy; the gin and tonics start flowin' and the podcasts follow.

G: Autumn, that’s when the leaves are all different colors and falling off the trees. Our artists are into that stuff.

Many Sufficient band members cross over to help each other out on other ensemble or solo projects. What cross-overs would you like to see happen?

J: "Zach Wood and Tony Scumbag Take Manhattan".

G: I feel like you want me to talk about Professor Longhair’s Fanclub. It’s a shame that can’t continue (since Tony is retiring). Joe is a real professional and it’s no accident that he’s ended up where he is today.

On the subject of upcoming collaborations, Tripp’s Steakhouse has offered us a very generous sum to record a 30 second jingle for them. The only caveat is it must include the phrase “We’re gonna get our Tripp’s on tonight!” at some point, which is not ideal but we’ll take it. I see this as a great opportunity for SEAARCH to show us that we made the right choice in our long term commitment to him.

What do you feel has the most power in promoting shows?

J: We don't promote shows.

G: I wish I could tell you it was easy Susan, but it’s a real struggle. While web sites like Angelfire have opened a lot of doors, we are seeing our Compact Disc sales slip noticeably on almost a daily basis. Labels like Sufficient rely on “big box” stores like Tower Records and Circuit City to stay in business. You wouldn’t believe the number of good artists, really talented guys, that have come to us with a “dope product” but we’ve had to say “thanks but no thanks” because programs like LimeWire are killing our retailers and we can’t afford to take them on. It just really makes me sad to see our industry in the state that it is. You wouldn’t steal a car, would you? Then why would you steal music?

Does Sufficient have any concert festivals in its future (something like/similar to TrekkyFest)?

J: Sufficient Fest WILL happen!

G: Jake is always walking around saying “cross-promotion” (still waiting for a good explanation on that) so we tend to focus more on rally racing and balloon festivals.

What social causes and projects does Sufficient currently participate in?

G: We’ve never really been in that arena. Our main focus is to put out the best product we can, and giving to charity does nothing to help us achieve that goal. In fact, it would make it more difficult. But we are very charitable to those in our inner circle. Take me for example- I’m literally the happiest person I’ve ever met.

What websites do you visit on a daily basis?

G: I really like what’s happening here at JOP. Also, Joe’s blog Nice Guys Last Finish. Sometimes I even check Hi Fever. And Corey Bell is starting a blog next week that I’m really excited about.

What is your goal with Sufficient podcasts? How do you keep them "fresh"?
J: Seagram's Gin, lot's of sound effects, jokes, etc.

Of course numbers don't matter, but what do you consider to be a good show for your bands?
J: Depends - did the crowd leave feeling confused?

G: We need to get at least 100 people at 10 bucks a head, otherwise we lose money.

Thanks guys! It's been fun!

J: Check out our Myspace for FREE downloads of all of our records and look out for SUFFICIENT TV!

G: This was a lot of fun, thanks.

A Massage Story

I messed up my neck pretty bad at yoga last night, slept fine, and heard a pop this morning in the shower. Pain was shooting down through my right arm and up my neck, and for a minute I thought I'd had a stroke. But no: I just messed up my neck pretty bad. So all day I've been dreading any right turns I have to make, etc., and the receptionist at my office suggested I go to a chiropractor. I thought a massage would probably do the trick AND feel a lot better--and I've been super stressed out lately--so I booked an appointment.

For an hour-long "Swedish" (??) massage with a man named Stuart. The receptionist at the spa said "Stuart is very good," like they were lovers or something. And I'm really nervous! Does Swedish massage involve a lot of chopping? I've heard horror stories about deep-tissue massage; I hope this is different!

Another thing: an hour is a really long time. Will I get bored? Will my mind wander back to all the stuff that was stressing me out in the first place?

I'm sure it'll be fine. Better than fine, even? Check back tomorrow for the report, or: A Massage Story: Part Two: The Aftermath!

Gonzo

This has been going around the 'net, so I thought I'd post it here again to give it more coverage for our 5 readers & counting! A screenwriter/comic writer compares 30 Rock to The Muppet Show. I love the Muppet Show but think 30 Rock is just 'aight. Which is weird because this guy makes a great case for them being the same show. The few times I've watched 30 Rock it just seems annoying and grating. I guess critics of the Muppet Show could say the same thing about Kermit - but srsly with that face how can you??? Brian's comparison makes me want to watch more in detail if I happen to see 30 Rock again.

Sidenote - I noticed this on his twitter update feed:

Zack Morris is a trending topic, yet the entire cast of CALIFORNIA DREAMS dies forgotten. Life is not fair. about 7 hours ago

We were just talking about this show last night! California Dreams needs some recognition people! There were a lot of different cast photos - but I mostly remember the early years and the weird brother that looked like he was already 30. Was he supposed to be the heartthrob?

Psyched to Become a Librarian

Most of the time, my biggest joy about leaving work for grad school is leaving work. But sometimes, things like this make me anxious to get my degree going so I can go out and work again! And I have a hunch: I'm going to be the best librarian ever.

This book, Weetzie Bat, is something I've written about before, and it was one of my very favorites around the time I was in 8th-9th grade. There are a few books written after this one, about the same characters, and one of those is Baby Be-Bop. And right now, a member of the "Christian Civil Liberties Union" (pffffft) is suing a public library in Wisconsin for displaying Baby Be-Bop and "$120,000 in compensatory damages ($30,000 per plaintiff) for being exposed to the book in a library display, and the resignation of West Bend Mayor Kristine Deiss for 'allow[ing] this book to be viewed by the public.'"

Baby Be-Bop is just about as innocuous as it sounds. I've read everything Francesca Lia Block wrote about the Weetzie Bat characters, and it's right in line with the rest of the books. It focuses on Dirk, Weetzie's best friend, and his relationship with his grandmother. Dirk knows he's gay and he thinks about what that means and he falls in love, and that's pretty much it. It's a good book and I'd gladly let my kids read it. Or the kids of the community! Or anyone! I would never "seek the right to publicly burn" it, that's for sure!

And honestly, nobody has ever suffered $30,000 worth of emotional damage by looking at (not even reading!) a book in a display. Not to mention all the crappy implications of deciding your civil liberties supersede everyone else's, or of appointing yourself moral judge of a community. And are they serious about this asking-the-mayor-to-resign crap? Not on my watch, they wouldn't be! I can't wait to get out there and start defending our freedom, information-wise, right in line with the legit ACLU.

Heirloom Tomatoes: WTF!

I go to Whole Foods all the time when I'm hungry, and it's so stupid because I always walk out with $200 worth of vegetables I have to work around the clock to eat before they go bad. But everything looks good and I'm helpless against the temptation of "the wild bunch" mushroom pack and $4.99/lb cherries.

So last night I walked out with a bag of heirloom tomatoes. The best description I found was on this person's flickr page: "A true heirloom tomato is a cultivar whose seeds had been nurtured, selected, and handed down from one family member to another for many generations. What allows it to maintain the heirloom name is that no genetically modified organism (GMO) can be used in its production. It conjures up an image of backyard plant grown from hard-sought seeds, of rare fruit bursting in summer's heat."

I got home and sliced one up, and I was totally unprepared for what was inside. The exterior of this plant was green fading into red, and the interior was pretty much the same except it was black. Black, as in rotten? But the black flesh wasn't crumbly or mushy like rotting fruit is; it was as firm and clean as the rest of the tomato. Humm, must just be the color, I thought, and ate a mouthful of black tomato. Wrong! It was very, very bitter. And weird. So my next thought was: is this normal?

Let me do some more investigative work and get back to you.

Practical Summertime Advice

Three questions from three friends today. This first one was sent a while ago, but I think it's timely as I'm about to go to the beach for a long weekend and can't decide whether to pack suncreen or funscreen (aka tanning oil). Just kidding, sort of, but here it goes:

Dear Jar of Paperclips, every year is the same around this time...it's beginning to be skirt weather and me, a pasty white girl, have noticed other women who were just as white as me last month are now bahama mamas. should I be jealous of their bronzed, just got back from tahiti and used a bottle of tanning oil, look? even though I know they get their tan from uv bulbs in a strip mall in greensboro, it still sort of makes me wish I could have such a "base" tan in the beginning of May after a week of torrential storms. Any help on this issue would be wonderful.

I'm grappling with the same problem, so I don't know how helpful I'd be but: I have found Jergens "Natural Glow" products (and their competitors) to be very useful. My sister is really into tanning, and one look at her--sorry Liza! I love you!--is enough to dissuade me from too much real-life tanning. Just thinking about aging and cancer related to that mess is enough! My advice is: fake it with lotion and use sunscreen when you're outside. You should not be jealous of their look. When we're all in our 50's, you'll be hot, not withered.

And this one is from co-writer Kneeker:

whats the best post-sunburn treatment?

5 words: Aloe, aloe, aloe, aloe, aloe!

NEXT.

"Smithee" writes in:

I recently stumbled onto a scary, shall we say, sensitive scene while taking a walk along the river bank, and I think I may have gotten the PTSD. Now I feel confused and angry at inappropriate times. The neighbor kids have started calling me a "grouch"! How do I deal with this terrifying event?

Without getting into the whos, whats, whys, or hows of what you witnessed, you may be able to press charges criminally. From what I understand, sometimes this is helpful to victims of sensitive-in-nature crimes, but other times it's an exacerbator. If pressing charges isn't an option but you have money, consider talking to a therapist. Otherwise, you're going to have to de-program the freaked-outedness and continue taking walks along the same path, every day, until the memory fades. You can use yoga to deal with your anger; even deep breathing exercises will help you calm down during an "episode." Time will probably be the biggest healer of all, so just try to relax and breathe until it passes. Meditate on this peaceful new-age image. You know!

Jokefest 2009 Continued: More Heidi and Spencer

I guess the reality show didn't work out! Here they are back at LAX.

PS: Why are they so funny????? There's something about these two that cracks me up every time. Could it be their astounding lack of self-awareness? Or that they pose in pictures with Rod Blagojevich and aren't totally laughing about it? From the looks on their faces, there's no irony in sight. If anything, they seem a little nervous and wound-up! Nor is there any/much ironic pleasure in the pushups picture. And now this! And I forgot about the swine flu pics! Keep 'em coming, guys!

Jokefest 2009

'Joe the Plumber' expected at N.C. anti-tax rally

Hey Winnie

I have seen some ads for this show. I was thinking about going out there myself and f-ing things up. I haven't seen Spencer and Heidi running around. But I know they are very childish, and I do work with children, like these guys. So it's possible they've been by and I hadn't noticed. 

Here's what I do daily. I oversee kids reading for comprehension and call out math flash cards. I play basketball with them and constantly run around playing La Anda (tag). 

The kids come in voluntarily and do exercises in reading or math. They earn points for it, which they can redeem by buying toys, candy, or even playing on the Wii for a little bit. 

On Fridays we just play games and sports. They love soccer, like all other children around the world. I like playing Scrabble in Spanish, to boost my vocabulary. I beat a coworker last week, without cheating. I felt sad for the guy. Can you imagine losing a word game in English to someone who did not speak the language?

Happy Birthday!

JoP turned 1 on Saturday!!!$%^!#$ What a year it's been!!

A look at the best post from each contributor (as voted by me):

Meg: Death By Cute

Winnie: A Couple of Holiday Don'ts

Kneeker: CruSH LiTTLe BaBy

McGregor: The Birthplace: Big F'ing Deal

Susan: 2009

Don't agree? Have another favorite that didn't get mentioned? Let us know!

Hey Andy:

Does any of this sound familiar?

"Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag are causing all sorts of trouble on the set of "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here" and the thing hasn't even really started taping yet. According to Ryan Seacrest, of all people, the duo have been whining and bitching since they landed in Costa Rica and have even taken to talking trash about the other "celebrities" on the show. They're even threatening to walk out on the show! Now, we're sure that this is just a stunt to drum up publicity for the show, but whatever, maybe we'll get lucky and Lou Diamond Phillips will beat them senseless with coconuts and bamboo or something." [Gawker]

Since Costa Rica is so small! Let us know if you spot anything CraZy!