Hilary is a Replicant

I realized that Andy's girlfriend is a Replicant (aka Darryl Hannah from Blade Runner.)

Forever Your Girl

I read this article about Paula Abdul's attempt to get some money out of the American Idol cash cow. She would only stay if her salary $20 million a year, but then she dropped it down to $12 million. No word yet on a deal being made or if her asking price will drop even further.

Obviously both are ridiculous asking prices for today...BUT it's American Idol and I have a soft spot for Paula. She was the most lucid judge up there last season. INCREDIBLY this is true. Randy's too busy...well Randy was too busy not watching the stage that was 2 feet in front of him to give a decent comment or criticism of a performance, while Simon was too busy trying to sabotage Idol with a win for Danny Gokey. Why?? I have no idea! As argued on a Drugstore Diary message board, I was not a fan of Danny Gokey.

Which brings me to Paula. Yes, at different seasons she seems to be more "out of it" then usual, but last season she really shined as the voice of reason and one that was really aware of what the performers were going for. She may not be the most articulate judge out there (although that could also be argued in her favor - Randy has yet to drop "dawg", "for me, for you", and "that was hot!"), but I think they should give her what she wants. A season without Paula would mean that Simon & Seacrest win.

lets hear it for these two!

Back in elementary school, my musical taste could be accounted for by whatever they played the most on G105. Who knows, I still might be listening to Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, and Linkin Park; thank goodness I had older siblings. To me their music was cooler and always made me curious about what else was out there. GrRl PoWeR was strong in the nineties and two girls I'm thankful for were Tanya Donelly and Juliana Hatfield. Sorry, Courtney Love.

I'm not necessarily talking about their solo careers here. I'm talking about their bands: Belly and The Blake Babies, respectively. For Donelly the music created a feeling; the lyrics were kind of mystical and metaphorical.For Hatfield it was more like, she had something she needed to get off her chest. I'm partial to Donelly because her voice could be sweet as well as scary and when she hit some high notes she sounded like she was from another planet. Belly's best album was probably "Star". Donelly also played in The Breeders and Throwing Muses, FYI.

That being said, I'm really into Pink's "Please Don't Leave Me" (even though the video is atrocious), and there's just something about "Boom Boom Pow" thats so stupid its good. Fergie does not embody GrRl PoWeR to me, however.

What time is it?

Advice time! Our new email address (jarofpaperclips@gmail.com) has provided an amazing opportunity to get an even larger volume of questions than ever before. So the least we can do is answer them! This one seems to carry some urgency:

dear jar of paperclips,

how do i become a better blogger? should i maybe just admit that i don't want to be a good blogger? or is that simply not true?

xo
in need in durham

Hmmm. I think I know who this is. "In need," I think what you need to do is think about what it means to be "a good blogger." Does it mean you're in charge of posting cute videos of pets? (ed. note: I think it does) Does it mean you update every day? (ed. note: nope) Does it mean you should just write when you feel like it and not worry about it? We don't begrudge you anything, so just write whatev whenev! No big deal. You're always welcome here.

Next!

Dear Jar of Paperclips,

My husband has been acting really strange lately, and I noticed some woman's name on his cell phone last week. I asked him who she was and he got angry and didn't speak to me for the rest of the night. Finally, he confessed that he'd been seeing her and left late one night, I assumed to be with her. I couldn't take it anymore and ran outside, beating him to the car, and slashed the tires with a kitchen knife. He grabbed the kitchen knife out of my hand and held it against my throat. He told me he would kill me if I tried to stop him. That was 3 days ago. I'm terrified, and I can't leave the house. What should I do??

[no signature]

Whoa. Intensity alert! My recommendation is this: find a good lawyer and press whatever charges you can (it varies state-to-state) NOW. Get a restraining order. Find a friend with a gun. Move out of that house immediately and put as much distance as you can between you and your husband. This marriage is over, in case you hadn't noticed! Next step: take some self-defense classes, preferably with a personal trainer. Spend a long time at a gym learning moves. Make a montage of the footage. After a couple of years, wait for him in his house and show off those moves! Rent Enough, starring Jennifer Lopez, for tips.

Got a question? Send it on to jarofpaperclips@gmail.com!

Big News!

Speaking of "change," we "hope" you like the results of Jar of Paperclips' editorial board meeting last night:

We are pleased to announce that longtime friend and commenter Katie Z will be contributing to the blog from now on. She's got a lot of expertise in music, the arts, celebrity news, healthy living, and pretty much everything. We're excited to have her on board!

There is also a new email address where you can send all of your advice questions: jarofpaperclips@gmail.com. We've already got one, just minutes into the address' existence, so keep 'em coming!

What?

Since when did "Cheyenne" from Reba get promoted to Gossip Girl? And as Nate's love interest?

Driving

I'm just going to say it - Obama supporters are terrible drivers. It's painful to reveal, but honestly someone's gotta set these people straight. "My morning commute" consists of 10 mins on I-40 East. If I get behind a mini-van I can pretty much guarantee a terrible start to the morning. If a woman is in the driver's seat then it's confirmed. It's true what they say - women are horrible drivers. Myself not included. But Obama drivers take the cake. Too cautious and always going about 10+ miles below the speed limit. I've thought of a few reasons why it's specific to Obama: 1) It's a wider net of drivers since he carried NC 2) I'm coming from Chapel Hill. Also, this can be applied to people with any sort of "green" or "recycle" stickers.

The People Have Spoken

...and they are not really into Roseanne!! This was a shocker to me, because I thought everyone was going to vote against Married With Children, but wow. So now it's down to two. What's going to happen next????

Barcelona: 1.5

I've been watching so many movies this summer that I should turn it into something productive...like reviews! I'll watch these so you don't have to. The variety of films lately has been off the charts, because I've basically been clicking indiscriminately around the "You might also enjoy" page on my Netflix.

So here we are at Barcelona, a film with one of the least likeable protagonists I've ever even heard of. He wasn't a bad guy, just extra-whiny and obnoxious and weak. Which might be ok if he was George Clooney or otherwise attractive at all, so we could assume he's just going through a rough patch or whatever. It would make sense then that women would like him. This guy just looks like such a weakling. Picture Andrew McCarthy's disgusting older brother, the one with a porn addiction.

The next count against Barcelona is that the two protagonists, Ted and Fred, sound exactly alike when the Spanish women they hang with address them. Confusing! But it goes with the territory, because although Ted and Fred are supposed to balance each other, foil-style, they aren't that different. Something terrible happens to one of them (the better-looking one, can't remember if it's Ted or Fred), and you don't even care. You just want the movie to be over.

Whit Stillman, the guy in charge of this thing, has an unimpressive resume. Which is not surprising. Barcelona looked ok from the description: some American guys in the early 90's spend time in Barcelona and they date some women. Sounds fine, except for the ultra-ambitious political subplot that attempts to tackle communism and the CIA and anarchist youth movements. It's just not happening, Whit! As a result of the political problems, somebody gets shot in the face and you're already yawning; the face-shooting is followed by a medical drama that is excruciating(ly boring). Finally, getting back to the other plot, some sexual tension gets resolved in a way that is literally unbelievable.

I'm already bored, just thinking about it. Sexist cliches, over-ambitious nonsensical political subplot, unsuspenseful "suspense." I guess the good parts are that the guy who gets shot in the face is a likeable character. He's ok.

Breaking!

Bernie Madoff will be serving 150 years in Butner, North Carolina! Big ups! Maybe he'll escape and come to Raleigh for some fun?