Practical Summertime Advice

Three questions from three friends today. This first one was sent a while ago, but I think it's timely as I'm about to go to the beach for a long weekend and can't decide whether to pack suncreen or funscreen (aka tanning oil). Just kidding, sort of, but here it goes:

Dear Jar of Paperclips, every year is the same around this time...it's beginning to be skirt weather and me, a pasty white girl, have noticed other women who were just as white as me last month are now bahama mamas. should I be jealous of their bronzed, just got back from tahiti and used a bottle of tanning oil, look? even though I know they get their tan from uv bulbs in a strip mall in greensboro, it still sort of makes me wish I could have such a "base" tan in the beginning of May after a week of torrential storms. Any help on this issue would be wonderful.

I'm grappling with the same problem, so I don't know how helpful I'd be but: I have found Jergens "Natural Glow" products (and their competitors) to be very useful. My sister is really into tanning, and one look at her--sorry Liza! I love you!--is enough to dissuade me from too much real-life tanning. Just thinking about aging and cancer related to that mess is enough! My advice is: fake it with lotion and use sunscreen when you're outside. You should not be jealous of their look. When we're all in our 50's, you'll be hot, not withered.

And this one is from co-writer Kneeker:

whats the best post-sunburn treatment?

5 words: Aloe, aloe, aloe, aloe, aloe!

NEXT.

"Smithee" writes in:

I recently stumbled onto a scary, shall we say, sensitive scene while taking a walk along the river bank, and I think I may have gotten the PTSD. Now I feel confused and angry at inappropriate times. The neighbor kids have started calling me a "grouch"! How do I deal with this terrifying event?

Without getting into the whos, whats, whys, or hows of what you witnessed, you may be able to press charges criminally. From what I understand, sometimes this is helpful to victims of sensitive-in-nature crimes, but other times it's an exacerbator. If pressing charges isn't an option but you have money, consider talking to a therapist. Otherwise, you're going to have to de-program the freaked-outedness and continue taking walks along the same path, every day, until the memory fades. You can use yoga to deal with your anger; even deep breathing exercises will help you calm down during an "episode." Time will probably be the biggest healer of all, so just try to relax and breathe until it passes. Meditate on this peaceful new-age image. You know!