So I started writing my 25 random things the night before last. These things require lots of thought. Eventually that evening I grew weary and retired to the boudoir with a tumbler of single malt. I awoke 14 hours later to find Winnie had put a post bemoaning the sad and thoughtless state of her peers' 25 random things lists. So I thought I'd slap what I've got up here and try and hammer out the rest. Serious Warning: it's getting late already and I might not make it all the way through, so if one of your pet peeves is incomplete 25 random things lists, then this post is not for you. Here we go:
So this is what I put down the other night. Also, Playlist time!: 1.Lost in the Trees 2. Missy Elliot 3. The Submarines 4. Iglu and Hartley 5. The Field
1. I was conceived under my grandparents dining room table on my parent's wedding day. My mom told me this while we were dancing at my cousin's ring ceremony. I remember my mom being a little tipsy, but she denies it.
2. I was an 8 pound baby. I had a very large head and was delivered via forceps.
3. I was constantly naked as a child. There is a disturbing large amount of photographic evidence to confirm this fact.
4. When I was still in diapers, my mom was heading off for her first day of work. For some reason I thought I was going with her, and that this entailed wearing a hard hat and carrying a plunger and briefcase. Unfortunately, also confirmed by photograph.
5. I curve slightly to the left.
6. When comes to hardcore interpersonal confrontation, I start getting teary-eyed. For example when my friend's older brother bullied me, or when my boss treated my like a piece of shit, when I tried to confront them about it, I started welling up uncontrollably. Less so with my boss (held it in enough to keep him from noticing) but still enough to disturb me.
7. Stay-at-home dad is my ideal vocation.
8. More crying. I went to Disney world when I was a kid with my mom and sister. Previously my friend John had told me about peopled falling out of and dying in the space mountain ride. My sister wanted to go, but since I was such a gullible puss I was too afraid. So they went in, but there's a line inside the dome that I didn't know about. So when they didn't come out for 30 minutes. I assumed they were dead and started bawling. You know how the rest goes. RIP Mom, Sis.
9. I've worn glasses since the first grade.
10. Body parts I'm conscientious about: my deviated septum, my hair, and increasingly my belly.
Alright, that's enough for now. Maybe I'll do the rest later.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Thursday, February 5, 2009
General Peeves, But Really Your Facebook List
-Sex and the City-esque euphemisms for things we should be more comfortable with by now. "Vajayjay" is one I'm seeing disturbingly much in women's magazines like Marie Claire.
-Things that are wet that should not be wet, and accidentally touching them.
-Food smells that linger long after you're full. Like I cooked salmon last night, and the house smelled like salmon all night. Nasty.
-Your Facebook 25 Facts list, especially when it includes lame non-facts. Also, exaggerating a phobia or food preference so you appear unique (or whatever. quirky?) Also, flattering yourself and offering job-interview responses. Not to mention the parade of cliches that pass for facts! Here are some real examples:
24. I DO NOT eat:
Ketchup
Mustard
Collards
Yams
Potato Salad
Pig Feet
Neckbones
Bar-b-q,coleslaw
I hate mayo, but I love pesto mayo and chipotle mayo.
I STILL CLAIM TO BE A SOUTHERN BELLE THOUGH…
Neckbones??!?
25.... (I also fear water and dogs) This was at the end of a sentence about a vomit phobia. Which I can relate to! But water and dogs? Good luck surviving!
7) I do my best work under pressure. Of course you do. Boring!
17) I dislike cliche's because people are usually too self involved to really look at the phrases. Still, each day I try to be the change I wish to see in the world. The most important implication of that cliche statement is that we must have a decisive notion of what we want the world to be, and an integral understanding of how to apply that global perspective into our daily lives. Oh.
7) I like to walk barefoot outside after a summer rain. !!
2. My favorite place in the world is Italy. There's something so peaceful about wondering the cobblestone streets, eating gelato and listening to the silent history. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3. I've read over a 1,000 books - ranging from Confessions of a Shopaholic to The Bell Jar. "a 1,000" isn't a construction you see often!
18. I have a glass of sweet tea with fresh strawberries, oranges, cherries, and lemons almost every single night before I go to bed. How does she round up that much fruit every night? Did she mean "or"?
15. I've always known I wanted to adopt a child one day and not because Angelina made it cool but because my heart aches for children who need love and care. Saintly!
20. Isn't technology wonderful???.
25. I will never grow up. I may get older, I may get wiser, I may get wrinkles in my face and my hair may turn gray BUT I will always laugh at a good fart joke, I will never give up my blankie, I will always choose kickball over a game of golf and I will forever love like a child. Mmm, thought-provoking. She must be pretty unique.
10. I prize honesty, loyalty, and intelligence above all else. Once you're a good friend you will always be a good friend-- If you betray these three things I probably will never full trust you again, ever. Look out: this woman's got principles!
11) But, I love to quietly make things happen. Super vague!
25. DANCE...I hope you DANCE! Live laugh love!
-Things that are wet that should not be wet, and accidentally touching them.
-Food smells that linger long after you're full. Like I cooked salmon last night, and the house smelled like salmon all night. Nasty.
-Your Facebook 25 Facts list, especially when it includes lame non-facts. Also, exaggerating a phobia or food preference so you appear unique (or whatever. quirky?) Also, flattering yourself and offering job-interview responses. Not to mention the parade of cliches that pass for facts! Here are some real examples:
24. I DO NOT eat:
Ketchup
Mustard
Collards
Yams
Potato Salad
Pig Feet
Neckbones
Bar-b-q,coleslaw
I hate mayo, but I love pesto mayo and chipotle mayo.
I STILL CLAIM TO BE A SOUTHERN BELLE THOUGH…
Neckbones??!?
25.... (I also fear water and dogs) This was at the end of a sentence about a vomit phobia. Which I can relate to! But water and dogs? Good luck surviving!
7) I do my best work under pressure. Of course you do. Boring!
17) I dislike cliche's because people are usually too self involved to really look at the phrases. Still, each day I try to be the change I wish to see in the world. The most important implication of that cliche statement is that we must have a decisive notion of what we want the world to be, and an integral understanding of how to apply that global perspective into our daily lives. Oh.
7) I like to walk barefoot outside after a summer rain. !!
2. My favorite place in the world is Italy. There's something so peaceful about wondering the cobblestone streets, eating gelato and listening to the silent history. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3. I've read over a 1,000 books - ranging from Confessions of a Shopaholic to The Bell Jar. "a 1,000" isn't a construction you see often!
18. I have a glass of sweet tea with fresh strawberries, oranges, cherries, and lemons almost every single night before I go to bed. How does she round up that much fruit every night? Did she mean "or"?
15. I've always known I wanted to adopt a child one day and not because Angelina made it cool but because my heart aches for children who need love and care. Saintly!
20. Isn't technology wonderful???.
25. I will never grow up. I may get older, I may get wiser, I may get wrinkles in my face and my hair may turn gray BUT I will always laugh at a good fart joke, I will never give up my blankie, I will always choose kickball over a game of golf and I will forever love like a child. Mmm, thought-provoking. She must be pretty unique.
10. I prize honesty, loyalty, and intelligence above all else. Once you're a good friend you will always be a good friend-- If you betray these three things I probably will never full trust you again, ever. Look out: this woman's got principles!
11) But, I love to quietly make things happen. Super vague!
25. DANCE...I hope you DANCE! Live laugh love!
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Let's Start Getting Ready for Valentine's Day
Valentine's Day is coming up, and we thought we'd do something special here on Hi Fever's "lifestyles" blog. If you want to be interviewed on your love life, drop us a line and we'll include you in our Valentine's feature! Love life, lack of love life, social life in general: we don't care! Just let us know if you want in.
And: A special advice column is coming soon (it's been a while!). Lots to look forward to on JoP.
And: A special advice column is coming soon (it's been a while!). Lots to look forward to on JoP.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Friday, January 9, 2009
Countdown: Pet Peeves to Watch in 2009: WORK EDITION
This is our first full week back at work, and it's been a rough one. Needless to say, I've got work on my mind and specifically lots of peeves on it too. Let's get started.
5. FOOLS IN THE PARKING DECK. Employees downtown typically arrive at their jobs between 7:30 and 9:00. After 9:00, people come downtown to go to appointments at their lawyers' offices or, worse, Marbles Kids' Museum. I usually get to work between 8:45 and 9:15, so about half the time, when I turn into the parking deck from Blount Street, I get behind someone in the monthly pass-only line who thinks they can use the intercom to transmit, via wires or magic, an hourly pass. To get an hourly pass, they have to be in the other lane. But, after 2 or 3 minutes of futilely pushing the (broken) intercom button, they want to back up and try the other lane. The problem is: there are already 5-6 other cars behind them, backing up into Blount Street, which is one-way. So nobody can turn around. Which doesn't stop the first car in line from trying. It KILLS ME to get behind these people.
Next, when they finally get into the deck, they cruise around, examining each space and car carefully for their spot. They hate walking! For five levels this continues, no space left unturned. Sometimes, they'll even pull into a reserved space on the second level, argue amongst themselves about the "reserved" status of the space, and pull back out--just in time for me to avoid running into them!
4. PARANOID CLIENTS. People call my office when they're going through the worst times in their lives. Divorces, custody battles, criminal charges, sometimes all at once! So a certain level of freaked-outedness is more than understandable. And maybe there's no public awareness of the fact that, even more than psychiatrists, attorneys are required to maintain confidentiality, pretty much at all costs. That also goes for their staff. So when you call, and you need to speak to someone urgently (especially someone who does not receive his own calls, ever), and your case is "just like" this highly publicized other case he handled, except it's worth one million dollars, and then you won't give me your name so I can at least ask if he wants to take your call? AND you get snippy about the fact that I'm required to get it? I don't think so.
3. PAPERCUTS. Obviously!
2. COMPUTER PROBLEMS. This one was a sleeper in '08 but I think it's going primetime in '09. I'm talking about problems such as when the whole network goes down and you can't do anything. Not fun things, not work things, not fun work things that you really have to get done. Nothing! So everyone's in a bad mood and it comes down to manual labor where the only thing to do is clean out the file room. Sometimes there are "fun" computer problems, such as when the billing system is down and, too bad, no data entry today! But there's another, much worse kind, and I'm afraid we'll be seeing more of them in 2009.
1. *~*~*~*~*~*~**OfFIcE PoLiTicS**~*~*~*~*~*~* Y'all know what I'm sayin'!
5. FOOLS IN THE PARKING DECK. Employees downtown typically arrive at their jobs between 7:30 and 9:00. After 9:00, people come downtown to go to appointments at their lawyers' offices or, worse, Marbles Kids' Museum. I usually get to work between 8:45 and 9:15, so about half the time, when I turn into the parking deck from Blount Street, I get behind someone in the monthly pass-only line who thinks they can use the intercom to transmit, via wires or magic, an hourly pass. To get an hourly pass, they have to be in the other lane. But, after 2 or 3 minutes of futilely pushing the (broken) intercom button, they want to back up and try the other lane. The problem is: there are already 5-6 other cars behind them, backing up into Blount Street, which is one-way. So nobody can turn around. Which doesn't stop the first car in line from trying. It KILLS ME to get behind these people.
Next, when they finally get into the deck, they cruise around, examining each space and car carefully for their spot. They hate walking! For five levels this continues, no space left unturned. Sometimes, they'll even pull into a reserved space on the second level, argue amongst themselves about the "reserved" status of the space, and pull back out--just in time for me to avoid running into them!
4. PARANOID CLIENTS. People call my office when they're going through the worst times in their lives. Divorces, custody battles, criminal charges, sometimes all at once! So a certain level of freaked-outedness is more than understandable. And maybe there's no public awareness of the fact that, even more than psychiatrists, attorneys are required to maintain confidentiality, pretty much at all costs. That also goes for their staff. So when you call, and you need to speak to someone urgently (especially someone who does not receive his own calls, ever), and your case is "just like" this highly publicized other case he handled, except it's worth one million dollars, and then you won't give me your name so I can at least ask if he wants to take your call? AND you get snippy about the fact that I'm required to get it? I don't think so.
3. PAPERCUTS. Obviously!
2. COMPUTER PROBLEMS. This one was a sleeper in '08 but I think it's going primetime in '09. I'm talking about problems such as when the whole network goes down and you can't do anything. Not fun things, not work things, not fun work things that you really have to get done. Nothing! So everyone's in a bad mood and it comes down to manual labor where the only thing to do is clean out the file room. Sometimes there are "fun" computer problems, such as when the billing system is down and, too bad, no data entry today! But there's another, much worse kind, and I'm afraid we'll be seeing more of them in 2009.
1. *~*~*~*~*~*~**OfFIcE PoLiTicS**~*~*~*~*~*~* Y'all know what I'm sayin'!
Thursday, January 8, 2009
2009
Happy New Year! This year I will be taking a picture a day for 365 days. JK!! It does seem to be popular with many of the blogs I read/stalk. I'm glad 2009 has come because this is the last year we'll have to see people wearing these glasses:
Unless they somehow carry over to 2010 with the eyes between the 2 & the 1. Who are we kidding? These novelties are never going to die.
Funny pet pictures. This ferrets spoofing movies spread on people.com is hilarious! This makes me actually want to see Cat in the Hat.
The Super Bowl. The game and the commercials are decent enough. But Bruce Springsteen is doing the halftime show. Yes, every year they go towards the old rock man over 50+ genre, but I'm pumped!
Going to Sandals Jamaica. Still only a dream - but maybe this is the year!!
Unless they somehow carry over to 2010 with the eyes between the 2 & the 1. Who are we kidding? These novelties are never going to die. Let's look ahead at what I'm looking forward to for 2009:
The return of American Idol. It looks like Ryan and Simon are already getting ready! Something about this show is horrible but comforting. It's probably all the soft rock adult contemporary tunes and Paula Abdul for me.
Funny pet pictures. This ferrets spoofing movies spread on people.com is hilarious! This makes me actually want to see Cat in the Hat.
The Super Bowl. The game and the commercials are decent enough. But Bruce Springsteen is doing the halftime show. Yes, every year they go towards the old rock man over 50+ genre, but I'm pumped!
Going to Sandals Jamaica. Still only a dream - but maybe this is the year!!
Friday, December 19, 2008
vague clothing store names: part 1
GENERAL PANTS Co.
When I spent a semester in Australia I noticed a store called General Pants Co.
Immediately my mind reeled and I laughed. What the hell kind of name is that for a store? It boggles the mind. I can't figure out how they're using the word 'general.' There are two possibilities:
Either they're using it in the military rank sense. As in General Pants, Lieutenant Shorts, Colonel Hats, Major Bras, and so on. Which would be cute if the whole gamut of stores existed (and if there were also a whole cast of cartoon mascots to go along with the stores, anthropomorphic bras with chevrons on them, etc.) , but by itself is kind dumb.
Or they're using general to mean 'non-specific' or 'somewhat indefinite'. If that is the case, then bravo. It's like some plucky entrepreneur started selling clothes at an outdoor market and someone came up to him and asked, "so what are you selling here?" And the guy responds with, "Well, in general ...pants." And thus was born general pants co.
General Pants-
"if you were to come in here, you'd see a lot of pants, of no particular style."
"we have a pants-ish aura"
"for the most part, pants"
BTW check out the general pants corporate website here and you'll see a pants-crappingly grotesque example of what it looks like when a corporation tries to market towards hipsters.
"As one of Australia's leading fashion apparel retailers, the General Pants Group exists to disrupt the average."
Disrupt the average? Fucking terrible. That mantra is like a watered down mountain dew line. Fuck YEAH! lets jostle the norm! That'll show 'em. We're really going to rattle the status quo this crime. Christ, who'd they pay to come up with that take no prisoners slogan? General Slogan Co.?
Thursday, December 11, 2008
:(
In school, when you have 15 pages to write, it's called a paper and you have weeks or months or at least days to do it. And if it's really bad, you can drink while you write and edit while you're sober. And you can work late at night! And carry your laptop wherever you want. And then you get your work back and there are nice comments all over it and you get an A and it feels great. Sometimes you win a prize, it's so good!
But when you write 15 pages at work, it's called a memo and you have to do it during working hours and you have to be sober the whole time and sure you get paid for it but it's not all that interesting and once you turn it in it gets circulated as an email attachment and mentioned in a meeting but that's it. And you just want to go home.
Ughhhhhh.
But when you write 15 pages at work, it's called a memo and you have to do it during working hours and you have to be sober the whole time and sure you get paid for it but it's not all that interesting and once you turn it in it gets circulated as an email attachment and mentioned in a meeting but that's it. And you just want to go home.
Ughhhhhh.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
A Couple of Holiday Don'ts
Wow, there's so much going on. Where to start??
How about at Kansas Keepsakes, which my friend Josh told me about:
Joshua: you might get a kick out of this business that my company helped
or maybe it will seem normal to you
me: holy shit
Joshua: haha
you pay $275 a head to scrapbook at this house in rural kansas for a couple days
Next is the Beer Belly ("Stealth Beverage System") and Wine Rack ("every girls [sic] best friend!"), which I think are funny but could be major liabilities, for a number of reasons, if you actually used them.
The Beer Belly actually looks fun, and part of me wants to say the Wine Rack does, too, except it gives me pause that most of the users seem to be interested in its cup-enhancing features.
First, read the product description: Take a bottle of wine, a mixed drink or even a fifth of your favorite hard stuff to the movies, concerts, ball games, even PTA meetings. Sporting a rack that will turn heads and serving a beverage that will have guys standing in line for a sip of your secret stash!
Gross. And then some of the product's reviewers: I just bought 2 wineracks for my friends for xmas... we go to tons of concerts, games and events, so this is awesome for us... sadly, I am more well endowed, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that you guys come out with a larger size ASAP... you really don't think I can smush some DDs into a medium, huh? :)
and
does anyone have "before and after" photos that they would share? I am interested in what it looks like on other body type / sizes / shapes.
Whenever I see cup-enhancing products for sale--especially when they involve pouring 25 oz. of wine into your bra--I wonder how the women wearing them deal with the days they're not wearing them. Like who do they think they're fooling? Something nice about the Wine Rack is that they've thought about at least the hour-to-hour differences and created a way to inflate the cups with air after you've consumed the wine. That's a nice touch. I guess the main HOLIDAY DON'T here is don't get caught drinking hard liquor from your bra at a PTA meeting.
you have to pay 30 days in advance
there are 2 beds to a room
click on "calendar"
I was about to say "we deserve a recession," because it's obvious to anyone with eyes that the scrapbooking trend is just a way to spend money on heart- and star-shaped hole punches and tell people you're "artsy" or creative or something, when in reality you're unoriginal and bored and have money to burn and no real memories to treasure. It's also really annoying when someone's showing you their scrapbook and it's two pictures on a page but with the rest of the 11x17 space filled with bric-a-brac and pre-stamped labels like "BaTh TiMe!" or, not to beat a dead horse, "Live Laugh Love." But then I clicked on the calendar, and I feel bad for the owner. Maybe it's a good idea (??), and maybe it was even successful for a time, but it doesn't look like many people are going for Kansas Keepsakes. HOLIDAY DON'T: get me a gift certificate to this place.
I was about to say "we deserve a recession," because it's obvious to anyone with eyes that the scrapbooking trend is just a way to spend money on heart- and star-shaped hole punches and tell people you're "artsy" or creative or something, when in reality you're unoriginal and bored and have money to burn and no real memories to treasure. It's also really annoying when someone's showing you their scrapbook and it's two pictures on a page but with the rest of the 11x17 space filled with bric-a-brac and pre-stamped labels like "BaTh TiMe!" or, not to beat a dead horse, "Live Laugh Love." But then I clicked on the calendar, and I feel bad for the owner. Maybe it's a good idea (??), and maybe it was even successful for a time, but it doesn't look like many people are going for Kansas Keepsakes. HOLIDAY DON'T: get me a gift certificate to this place.
Next is the Beer Belly ("Stealth Beverage System") and Wine Rack ("every girls [sic] best friend!"), which I think are funny but could be major liabilities, for a number of reasons, if you actually used them.
The Beer Belly actually looks fun, and part of me wants to say the Wine Rack does, too, except it gives me pause that most of the users seem to be interested in its cup-enhancing features.First, read the product description: Take a bottle of wine, a mixed drink or even a fifth of your favorite hard stuff to the movies, concerts, ball games, even PTA meetings. Sporting a rack that will turn heads and serving a beverage that will have guys standing in line for a sip of your secret stash!
Gross. And then some of the product's reviewers: I just bought 2 wineracks for my friends for xmas... we go to tons of concerts, games and events, so this is awesome for us... sadly, I am more well endowed, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that you guys come out with a larger size ASAP... you really don't think I can smush some DDs into a medium, huh? :)
and
does anyone have "before and after" photos that they would share? I am interested in what it looks like on other body type / sizes / shapes.
Whenever I see cup-enhancing products for sale--especially when they involve pouring 25 oz. of wine into your bra--I wonder how the women wearing them deal with the days they're not wearing them. Like who do they think they're fooling? Something nice about the Wine Rack is that they've thought about at least the hour-to-hour differences and created a way to inflate the cups with air after you've consumed the wine. That's a nice touch. I guess the main HOLIDAY DON'T here is don't get caught drinking hard liquor from your bra at a PTA meeting.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Carine & Charlotte
It's rumored that Anna Wintour will get fired this holiday season. When will this economy stop making me suffer? If it turns out the new hire rumors are true the editor of French Vogue, Carine Roitfeld, will become the new editor of American Vogue. She seems really cool! In a Parisian way, but also in a fashion world way. I just found this out when I was googling images of her, but she's on Time's list of 100 Influential People of 2008. They say, "she has an innate ability to mix street culture and society, always avoiding the caricatures that can define both worlds and always recognizing the mix of both worlds as the only catalyst of energy and creativity". She also kind of looks like Iggy Pop.
French Vogue doesn't seem as focused on typical beauties and boring models. IE Charlotte Gainsbourg got a whole issue to guest-edit! The cover looks really awesome.
She's a little overly-styled, but still. I want to read this issue. I find her whole family fascinating.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)