The Elephant in the Room?

(This is how I felt about LOST last night)

And by "room" I mean "my brain," because as soon as I got home last night I couldn't shake the realization that LOST sorta sucks. At first it all seemed to make sense--the plot points were zany for sure, but they were tight and dovetailed neatly together. Now they're all over the map. Literally, the space-time continuum!

When I found out the writers are writing as they go, that was the nail in the coffin. And it explains everything that was supposed to be "mind-blowing" in last night's episode: they're just casting a wide net, hoping something will stick and give them a path to write their way out of this mess.

I can't stay interested in characters who are alive one minute and dead the next and then alive again, but in someone else's body from ancient times, and that "person" is actually the smoke monster, which did anyone else see those crappy special effects?

Please argue with me. I want to like Lost again! I better, because I'm too roped-in at this point to just walk away.

JOP editors, edit this as needed. Just sign in as jarofpaperclips and let me (Winnie) know if you need the password!

Philadelphia is closing its public libraries!

This is the most fucked up thing ever!

http://libwww.freelibrary.org/closing/

I don't know about you or the people of Philadelphia or the people of America in general, but I certainly wouldn't mind paying a little more in taxes!!!! This is what happens when you insist on tax cuts in tough years, fools. We all lose. Congratulations.

UPDATE:

This is from an interesting comment on Consumerist about it. A different side of the story and still fucked up! Let's get it together, people!

What's happening is that city leaders are making a highly-visible yet token "cut" that's designed to annoy people and convince them that higher taxes are acceptable. Once people accede to this manipulation — which is really no better than an extortion scheme — these conniving officials are relieved of the obligation to do what they ought to have done in the first place: make the serious and genuine kinds of budget cuts that would actually make a difference ... such as cutting waste and graft, and paring the size of government down to something which is both manageable and affordable. They squander money in ways you would not believe — and they do it all the time, under the illusion that it's the best way to operate.

Example 1: The Connecticut DOT could not be bothered actually managing a construction project, so they contracted out that task to a well-connected company. Only that company, which was paid millions to supervise it, did absolutely nothing. The work done was poor and had to be redone. In order to avoid paying to redo it, the construction company liquidated itself, its owners reconstituted as another firm, and proceeded to lobby for more state business. CT DOT officials — who obviously had no problem with this situation — were ready to award them more work, when the story was reported and the state A.G. had to step in. The re-work took another 2 years and a great deal more money, only some of which has been recovered.

Example 2: New York City public schools are famously home to what are called "rubber rooms." These are places in which tenured but incompetent teachers are allowed to sit and do nothing all day, yet earn their salaries for having done nothing. You see, they cannot be fired, no matter how bad they are; since they are by contract "entitled" to work, this is the only way to keep them from hurting kids' education or harming them.

Both of these examples, and more, are basically ways in which money is sucked out of the public coffers, for no good purpose ... and which are actually, actively defended by some officials, who consider these to be good ideas.

It's not just Philadelphia that uses this scheme of token, annoying, noticeable cuts to entice taxpayers into paying more ... governments at ALL levels (municipalities, counties, regional authorities, and states) across the country do it. It's an old trick, but curiously, it seems to work more often than not, and most people are blissfully unaware they're being "played." The cold hard fact is that government officials profit too much from bloated government and artificially-high budgets, for them to slice them down to size.

Something else to whine about

Last week it was all about not wanting to pay taxes and throwing Tea Parties; this week it's all about how Miss California was robbed of the Miss America title for her answer on gay marriage. Where to start?????

Let's get it out of the way that the Miss America pageant is dumb. GIVEN.

I also should say that I'm no fan of Perez Hilton. Obviously he sucks and is no kind of respectable source for blah blah blah. Nobody is saying this guy is correct or stands for anything.

So then this Miss California was behind anyway. Her scores were all on the low end compared to Miss North Carolina (raise up!, etc) before this question business.

And, point #4, her answer was stupid. Not "politically incorrect," just stupid. Stupid how? "We live in a land where we can choose same-sex marriage or opposite marriage"-stupid. Opposite marriage???!! She went on to add "no offense." I think any criticism directed at her response has more to do with the wtf-ness of the whole point of the question, which is to jump through the hoop of being "articulate" and "thoughtful" in a basic way. The idea wasn't for her to have recited the Bill of Rights or say that she was pro-gay marriage, just for her not to sound like somebody I went to middle school with. "No offense!"

Here are some excerpts from her hilarious interview with Fox:

FOXNews.com: How are you feeling today?

Carrie Prejean: Honestly, happy. This happened for a reason. By having to answer that question in front of a national audience, God was testing my character and faith. I'm glad I stayed true to myself.

...

FOXNews.com: Did your stomach sink when you first heard you picked Perez Hilton's question?

Carrie Prejean: I had a gut feeling. I knew he was controversial, and so was the question. Out of all the topics I studied up on, I dreaded that one, I prayed I would not be asked about gay marriage. If I had any other question, I know I would have won.

Of course you would have. Or maybe you should think your opinions through (you "studied up on" the other ones--why not this one?) so that when somebody on a nationally televised pageant stage asks you about them, you don't come off like a fool. Easily you could have said "I don't believe in gay marriage...sanctity of...one man one woman..." and so on. It's not like there aren't enough talking points to fall back on! Instead, you winged it with something about"opposite marriage"? P-lease.

Do me a favor and...

stop kidding yourself with the use of "grassroots"! You, an embattled conservative who's basically one of the only ones left standing up for our rights, our constitutional rights not to pay taxes, are launching a "grassroots" campaign for a "tea party" this week. This week, when most Americans' income tax returns are due, you heroic rebels are instead going to send tea bags to your representatives in congress. Really shaking things up!

What other "grassroots" movements have you been involved in? A quick search of townhall.com brought up several examples with big-winning names like Rush Limbaugh and Ron Paul. Impressive! Here is what one of you had to say about the "revolutionary" tax week "tea parties":

What brought Reaction Time to my attention relative to the GOP? Tea Parties. This is a grassroots movement in its infancy. It started via traditional media, has grown through social media, and like all infant grassroots movements, has a tiny chance of growth and survival coupled with an enormous potential for success and impact, should it, in fact, survive and grow. In order for any movement to grow, though, it needs fuel. An opportunity has been placed in the lap of the GOP. A big opportunity, in my view, especially in light of the abysmal history the party has with grassroots movements of any kind. What's the reaction to this potentially fortuitous shift in the market? I haven't really seen one yet. And as I said, inaction is, in fact, reaction.

The irritating thing about this is that you're kidding yourself about the use of "grassroots," throwing it around like you're back in '62, registering voters in Mississippi. That was real grassroots organizing, and it was ok to use words like that because it worked toward giving everyone in this country a fair shake. But protesting against taxes? Especially when you're getting your information from Michael Savage and Glenn Beck?

Let me, lil' ol' me, tell you something about taxes: they pay for roads, public schools (a pillar of democracy, don't forget!), police, firefighters, public transport (and don't give me the old but-the-government-can't-tell-me-how-to-get-to-work-I'll-drive-my-Ford Expedition-if-I-want routine; we all know the jig is up), every single part of the military, and the court system. Next time somebody doesn't bash your door in and drag you into the street to dole out justice, thank your tax dollars. Next time you get laid off and need an unemployment check to cover your bills, thank your tax dollars. Next time your kid learns to read and gets a free ride to school and a discounted lunch if you need it, thank your tax dollars. I could go on all day like this.

I don't make very much money, and I didn't have enough in my withholdings this year so I ended up owing for taxes. And you know what? I don't really mind! Even though I feel like I pay disproportionately much, given my small income, it's ok because I realize that taxes are necessary to make things work. Is it any accident that two of the highest-taxed nations in the world, France and Denmark, also enjoy some of the lowest crime, infant mortality, and illiteracy rates? Is it any accident that the quality of life in those countries is so crazily high? What makes us freak out in America when we confront the spectre of a "nanny state"? Why wouldn't we want clean air and reliable public transport and health care? Who do we think we are, saying health care isn't a human right? Do we really love smoking in public and high-fructose corn syrup so much that it's worth spazzing about a potential ban? If you know something I don't, please let me know. And try not to mention 1984 when you explain it to me.

G

I miss Gatorade X-Factor Lemon-Lime + Strawberry. I searched for it this weekend and didn't see it. Today I realize that's just because Gatorade has renamed it. The marketing geniuses have re-branded it "Be Tough". What the heck? As if "G" wasn't bad enough?? I loved saying "Please pass the X-Factor", now I've got to readjust to "Please pass the Be Tough?". Lame.

This is an interesting topic coming on the day of the NCAA championship. I noticed they've dropped "G" and instead VitaminWater is the beverage of NCAA choice. Is there a reason for the switch other than money?? It's a little disconcerting to see the VitaminWater jugs on the court - I'm scared Kelly Clarkson or 50 Cent are going to pop out and start pimpin' it.

Do me a favor and...

stop saying "do tell."

e.g.: "[friend on facebook] is SO proud of her husband, he rocks!!!"

First of all, I hate this kind of vague-n-personal status update. It's lame, and at least this friend did not make a negative one, e.g. "...is really disappointed and can never trust a man again," or "...is going to the hospital :( " or "...can't stop crying." But what all of these statuses have in common is that they're fishing for comments and likes.

What pisses me off even more than the statuses themselves are these people's friends who actually fall for it! Do they not have telephones or private email accounts to share personal news? Is a facebook status really the only way they have to communicate with the world?? The responses to the "SO proud of her husband, he rocks!!!" status were as follows:

"Why? Do tel....." [sic]
"for what? Just in general? : )"

I get that this example isn't that bad, because there's nothing wrong with broadcasting an encouraging shout-out to your spouse's achievements. I know there are worse things. Believe me! But "do tell," especially when the writer doesn't care enough not to check for typos, is as bad as "what say you?" or any number of formal-sounding small-talk terms like it where the speaker almost never actually cares how you respond.

LOL, "Smokers' Rights"

Is this another April Fools joke? [Smokers feeling abused as federal tax hike hits]

Seriously? Smokers should feel abused, so abused that they quit smoking or just put up or shut up. You don't want to pay an extra $0.62 per pack so that some kids can have health insurance? Fuck you! Here's what one aggrieved, victimized smoker had to say:

"I think it's ridiculous. ... They're picking on smokers," Egger said at the Denver store, where she bought two cartons Tuesday. "I think they're trying to run the tobacco companies out of business."

"As old as I am, I'm not going to quit smoking, regardless of what they do."

Hmm...sounds like a personal problem to me! And what's wrong with running tobacco companies out of business? Hasn't the industry had plenty of time to shape up and find new crops for all that land? Hasn't anybody seen what's happening in the world and opted for more corn or grain instead of tobacco? Don't give me that guff about NC needing the tobacco industry, either. Soybean crops are doing just fine in Eastern NC, and guess what? Soy is healthy and profitable! Tobacco is unhealthy and decreasingly profitable!

Any time somebody talks about smokers' rights I want to throw a chair across the room. Smokers' rights are not civil rights because no other minority group, besides maybe religious ones, chooses to be the thing that makes them a minority. Sorry suckers--I mean smokers!

F you Lady Gaga

I heard a good song last night and was looking it up to hear at work. I found it here:

Boys - Sabrina

Search results also turned up "Boys Boys Boys," another piece of crap by Lady Gaga. I always knew I disliked her because of her obnoxious style, but I wanted to be sure, so I gave it a listen. BLECHH!

The only good part of "Boys Boys Boys" is the bridge, and even then I'm making a concession. Why does all music sound the same right now? If I didn't know this was Lady Gaga, I'd think it was Xtina or Pussycat Dolls or Bratz or whoever else is on the radio all the time. Maybe the horrible songwriting distinguishes it from those guys, because Lady Gaga is actually trying but still fails. "Let's go see the Killers and make out in the bleachers" is my favorite line from the song because it sums up so much about how she sucks. Who knew I'd be yearning for the days when Amy Winehouse was my biggest complaint?

Here's another thing, and maybe this explains my Winehouse problem too: I'm suspicious of any "musician" who needs to do something nutty with their appearance to gain fame. Obviously! KISS, Amy Winehouse, Lady Gaga: what do they all have in common besides their looks? Their lack of talent. Yes, I get that they are also performers, and yes, I get that they need to sell tickets. That doesn't mean they're talented musicians though, and it's just not for me personally. It is also very annoying how ubiquitous these people become, now and as they age into "legend" status.

Anyway, focus on Sabrina's song. The chorus is soooooo catchy.

It's over!

For the past year or so, jezebel.com and I have had a pretty good working relationship. I liked the constant updates, and I liked to check on it, and I liked Tracie and Moe's writing on the site. Then they fired Moe, Dodai started writing (aka complaining) more, and Tracie is pretty much out of it except to post clips from Judge Judy. Some person named hortense (lowercase h. is she bell hooks or something?) clogs up the site every weekend with 393587 posts about nothing, and it's just so lame at this point that it's not entertaining at all.

Here's how a post will usually go: Dodai will find something you hadn't thought of, highlight it as sexist/racist (everything is sexist and racist so this is already a yawnfest), and the commenters will show off how fucking-the-system alternative they are, using puns or Gilmore Girls-style sarcasm, and like bond with each other. Here are some examples of comments, picked all from random:

• Good Lord, how to selvedge the situation? /sarcasm/ I just can't get interested in quilts. Not no way not no how.

• It's because I don't like the way that entitled little twatmuffin Strawberry Shortcake is looking at me. What, Strawberry?! WHAT?! YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN ME!?!

• Hear hear. I only discovered Sleater Kinney a few years ago, and it blew my mind that they sung about things that affected me. It meant alot.

• NO WAY am I going to stock some dude's favorite beer in my fridge unless I like it too. Bud Light, Guinness, or Sierra Nevada? Not a chance.

• Well Tonya, I think that he was making a cultural reference that, unfortunately, you are asosiated...sorry. Um, my spelling is off; the S and C keys are stuck on my keyboard. Look at them. LOOK AT MY KEYS. I demand that I get to do this comment again from the BEGINNING!

Obviously these commenters need some outlet, and jezebel is as good a place as any to unleash these ill-formed "opinions" and "jokes." It does no harm, except to create and reinforce stereotypes about women 1) being harpies, 2) not being funny, and 3) always having something to bitch about. I guess #s 3 and 1 are the same, and honestly there is a lot to bitch about, but it doesn't help feminism for these women to be complaining about every little thing. Let's pick the battles we can win, huh?

While I'm thinking about it, what really made me want to post this was seeing both "What say you?" and "hear hear" on the site more than twice in one day. I hate those phrases so much I can't really articulate why. Ugh. It's over.

Heath Ledger Didn't Deserve It

Sorry! I just don't think he did, unless all the other nominees were seriously unworthy (although I doubt Philip Seymour Hoffman phoned it in on Doubt). It was obvious that everyone was sad, and obviously sorry that his life and promising career are over, and I'm right there with them. But...giving him an Oscar? For acting crazy? That's like awarding a Nobel Literature Prize for a book that ends in "...and it was all just a dream." A "crazy" role is the biggest cakewalk of an actor's career--just ask Natalie Portman in Garden State. No loose ends to tie, no depth to reveal, no responsibility to reality or continuity. Easy and fun!

The difference between Heath Ledger in The Dark Knight and Jack Nicholson in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest is that McMurphy also had to be a human and like, show emotions and vulnerability and shit. He also had to be real. The Joker did not have to be real or feel emotions or have responsibility. Just crazy!

What I watched of the awards last night was at a friend's house, and when the Ledgers took the stage somebody said "I bet you'd feel like such a jerk if you'd won instead of Heath." I had to hold my tongue big-time because I knew I'd be outnumbered. But really: why should anyone feel like a jerk for winning that award? Because he's dead? If somebody else deserved it more, they deserved it more. I almost feel like I'm missing something, like everybody knows something I don't. If anyone can fill me in on why the Joker was such an amazing blessing of a part, I'd like to hear it.

Countdown: Pet Peeves to Watch in 2009: WORK EDITION

This is our first full week back at work, and it's been a rough one. Needless to say, I've got work on my mind and specifically lots of peeves on it too. Let's get started.

5. FOOLS IN THE PARKING DECK. Employees downtown typically arrive at their jobs between 7:30 and 9:00. After 9:00, people come downtown to go to appointments at their lawyers' offices or, worse, Marbles Kids' Museum. I usually get to work between 8:45 and 9:15, so about half the time, when I turn into the parking deck from Blount Street, I get behind someone in the monthly pass-only line who thinks they can use the intercom to transmit, via wires or magic, an hourly pass. To get an hourly pass, they have to be in the other lane. But, after 2 or 3 minutes of futilely pushing the (broken) intercom button, they want to back up and try the other lane. The problem is: there are already 5-6 other cars behind them, backing up into Blount Street, which is one-way. So nobody can turn around. Which doesn't stop the first car in line from trying. It KILLS ME to get behind these people.
Next, when they finally get into the deck, they cruise around, examining each space and car carefully for their spot. They hate walking! For five levels this continues, no space left unturned. Sometimes, they'll even pull into a reserved space on the second level, argue amongst themselves about the "reserved" status of the space, and pull back out--just in time for me to avoid running into them!

4. PARANOID CLIENTS. People call my office when they're going through the worst times in their lives. Divorces, custody battles, criminal charges, sometimes all at once! So a certain level of freaked-outedness is more than understandable. And maybe there's no public awareness of the fact that, even more than psychiatrists, attorneys are required to maintain confidentiality, pretty much at all costs. That also goes for their staff. So when you call, and you need to speak to someone urgently (especially someone who does not receive his own calls, ever), and your case is "just like" this highly publicized other case he handled, except it's worth one million dollars, and then you won't give me your name so I can at least ask if he wants to take your call? AND you get snippy about the fact that I'm required to get it? I don't think so.

3. PAPERCUTS. Obviously!

2. COMPUTER PROBLEMS. This one was a sleeper in '08 but I think it's going primetime in '09. I'm talking about problems such as when the whole network goes down and you can't do anything. Not fun things, not work things, not fun work things that you really have to get done. Nothing! So everyone's in a bad mood and it comes down to manual labor where the only thing to do is clean out the file room. Sometimes there are "fun" computer problems, such as when the billing system is down and, too bad, no data entry today! But there's another, much worse kind, and I'm afraid we'll be seeing more of them in 2009.

1. *~*~*~*~*~*~**OfFIcE PoLiTicS**~*~*~*~*~*~* Y'all know what I'm sayin'!

:(

In school, when you have 15 pages to write, it's called a paper and you have weeks or months or at least days to do it. And if it's really bad, you can drink while you write and edit while you're sober. And you can work late at night! And carry your laptop wherever you want. And then you get your work back and there are nice comments all over it and you get an A and it feels great. Sometimes you win a prize, it's so good!

But when you write 15 pages at work, it's called a memo and you have to do it during working hours and you have to be sober the whole time and sure you get paid for it but it's not all that interesting and once you turn it in it gets circulated as an email attachment and mentioned in a meeting but that's it. And you just want to go home.

Ughhhhhh.