2008

Countdown: Pet Peeves to Watch in 2009: WORK EDITION

This is our first full week back at work, and it's been a rough one. Needless to say, I've got work on my mind and specifically lots of peeves on it too. Let's get started.

5. FOOLS IN THE PARKING DECK. Employees downtown typically arrive at their jobs between 7:30 and 9:00. After 9:00, people come downtown to go to appointments at their lawyers' offices or, worse, Marbles Kids' Museum. I usually get to work between 8:45 and 9:15, so about half the time, when I turn into the parking deck from Blount Street, I get behind someone in the monthly pass-only line who thinks they can use the intercom to transmit, via wires or magic, an hourly pass. To get an hourly pass, they have to be in the other lane. But, after 2 or 3 minutes of futilely pushing the (broken) intercom button, they want to back up and try the other lane. The problem is: there are already 5-6 other cars behind them, backing up into Blount Street, which is one-way. So nobody can turn around. Which doesn't stop the first car in line from trying. It KILLS ME to get behind these people.
Next, when they finally get into the deck, they cruise around, examining each space and car carefully for their spot. They hate walking! For five levels this continues, no space left unturned. Sometimes, they'll even pull into a reserved space on the second level, argue amongst themselves about the "reserved" status of the space, and pull back out--just in time for me to avoid running into them!

4. PARANOID CLIENTS. People call my office when they're going through the worst times in their lives. Divorces, custody battles, criminal charges, sometimes all at once! So a certain level of freaked-outedness is more than understandable. And maybe there's no public awareness of the fact that, even more than psychiatrists, attorneys are required to maintain confidentiality, pretty much at all costs. That also goes for their staff. So when you call, and you need to speak to someone urgently (especially someone who does not receive his own calls, ever), and your case is "just like" this highly publicized other case he handled, except it's worth one million dollars, and then you won't give me your name so I can at least ask if he wants to take your call? AND you get snippy about the fact that I'm required to get it? I don't think so.

3. PAPERCUTS. Obviously!

2. COMPUTER PROBLEMS. This one was a sleeper in '08 but I think it's going primetime in '09. I'm talking about problems such as when the whole network goes down and you can't do anything. Not fun things, not work things, not fun work things that you really have to get done. Nothing! So everyone's in a bad mood and it comes down to manual labor where the only thing to do is clean out the file room. Sometimes there are "fun" computer problems, such as when the billing system is down and, too bad, no data entry today! But there's another, much worse kind, and I'm afraid we'll be seeing more of them in 2009.

1. *~*~*~*~*~*~**OfFIcE PoLiTicS**~*~*~*~*~*~* Y'all know what I'm sayin'!

2009

Happy New Year! This year I will be taking a picture a day for 365 days. JK!! It does seem to be popular with many of the blogs I read/stalk. I'm glad 2009 has come because this is the last year we'll have to see people wearing these glasses:

Unless they somehow carry over to 2010 with the eyes between the 2 & the 1. Who are we kidding? These novelties are never going to die.

Let's look ahead at what I'm looking forward to for 2009:

The return of American Idol. It looks like Ryan and Simon are already getting ready! Something about this show is horrible but comforting. It's probably all the soft rock adult contemporary tunes and Paula Abdul for me.

Funny pet pictures. This ferrets spoofing movies spread on people.com is hilarious! This makes me actually want to see Cat in the Hat.

The Super Bowl. The game and the commercials are decent enough. But Bruce Springsteen is doing the halftime show. Yes, every year they go towards the old rock man over 50+ genre, but I'm pumped!

Going to Sandals Jamaica. Still only a dream - but maybe this is the year!!

vague clothing store names: part 1

GENERAL PANTS Co.

When I spent a semester in Australia I noticed a store called General Pants Co.



Immediately my mind reeled and I laughed. What the hell kind of name is that for a store? It boggles the mind. I can't figure out how they're using the word 'general.' There are two possibilities:

Either they're using it in the military rank sense. As in General Pants, Lieutenant Shorts, Colonel Hats, Major Bras, and so on. Which would be cute if the whole gamut of stores existed (and if there were also a whole cast of cartoon mascots to go along with the stores, anthropomorphic bras with chevrons on them, etc.) , but by itself is kind dumb.

Or they're using general to mean 'non-specific' or 'somewhat indefinite'. If that is the case, then bravo. It's like some plucky entrepreneur started selling clothes at an outdoor market and someone came up to him and asked, "so what are you selling here?" And the guy responds with, "Well, in general ...pants." And thus was born general pants co.

General Pants-
"if you were to come in here, you'd see a lot of pants, of no particular style."

"we have a pants-ish aura"

"for the most part, pants"

BTW check out the general pants corporate website here and you'll see a pants-crappingly grotesque example of what it looks like when a corporation tries to market towards hipsters.

"As one of Australia's leading fashion apparel retailers, the General Pants Group exists to disrupt the average."

Disrupt the average? Fucking terrible. That mantra is like a watered down mountain dew line. Fuck YEAH! lets jostle the norm! That'll show 'em. We're really going to rattle the status quo this crime. Christ, who'd they pay to come up with that take no prisoners slogan? General Slogan Co.?

:(

In school, when you have 15 pages to write, it's called a paper and you have weeks or months or at least days to do it. And if it's really bad, you can drink while you write and edit while you're sober. And you can work late at night! And carry your laptop wherever you want. And then you get your work back and there are nice comments all over it and you get an A and it feels great. Sometimes you win a prize, it's so good!

But when you write 15 pages at work, it's called a memo and you have to do it during working hours and you have to be sober the whole time and sure you get paid for it but it's not all that interesting and once you turn it in it gets circulated as an email attachment and mentioned in a meeting but that's it. And you just want to go home.

Ughhhhhh.

A Couple of Holiday Don'ts

Wow, there's so much going on. Where to start??

How about at Kansas Keepsakes, which my friend Josh told me about:

Joshua: you might get a kick out of this business that my company helped

http://kansaskeepsakes.com/

or maybe it will seem normal to you

me: holy shit

Joshua: haha

you pay $275 a head to scrapbook at this house in rural kansas for a couple days

you have to pay 30 days in advance

there are 2 beds to a room

click on "calendar"

I was about to say "we deserve a recession," because it's obvious to anyone with eyes that the scrapbooking trend is just a way to spend money on heart- and star-shaped hole punches and tell people you're "artsy" or creative or something, when in reality you're unoriginal and bored and have money to burn and no real memories to treasure. It's also really annoying when someone's showing you their scrapbook and it's two pictures on a page but with the rest of the 11x17 space filled with bric-a-brac and pre-stamped labels like "BaTh TiMe!" or, not to beat a dead horse, "Live Laugh Love." But then I clicked on the calendar, and I feel bad for the owner. Maybe it's a good idea (??), and maybe it was even successful for a time, but it doesn't look like many people are going for Kansas Keepsakes. HOLIDAY DON'T: get me a gift certificate to this place.

Next is the Beer Belly ("Stealth Beverage System") and Wine Rack ("every girls [sic] best friend!"), which I think are funny but could be major liabilities, for a number of reasons, if you actually used them.
The Beer Belly actually looks fun, and part of me wants to say the Wine Rack does, too, except it gives me pause that most of the users seem to be interested in its cup-enhancing features.

First, read the product description: Take a bottle of wine, a mixed drink or even a fifth of your favorite hard stuff to the movies, concerts, ball games, even PTA meetings. Sporting a rack that will turn heads and serving a beverage that will have guys standing in line for a sip of your secret stash!

Gross. And then some of the product's reviewers: I just bought 2 wineracks for my friends for xmas... we go to tons of concerts, games and events, so this is awesome for us... sadly, I am more well endowed, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that you guys come out with a larger size ASAP... you really don't think I can smush some DDs into a medium, huh? :)

and

does anyone have "before and after" photos that they would share? I am interested in what it looks like on other body type / sizes / shapes.

Whenever I see cup-enhancing products for sale--especially when they involve pouring 25 oz. of wine into your bra--I wonder how the women wearing them deal with the days they're not wearing them. Like who do they think they're fooling? Something nice about the Wine Rack is that they've thought about at least the hour-to-hour differences and created a way to inflate the cups with air after you've consumed the wine. That's a nice touch. I guess the main HOLIDAY DON'T here is don't get caught drinking hard liquor from your bra at a PTA meeting.

Carine & Charlotte

It's rumored that Anna Wintour will get fired this holiday season. When will this economy stop making me suffer? If it turns out the new hire rumors are true the editor of French Vogue, Carine Roitfeld, will become the new editor of American Vogue. She seems really cool! In a Parisian way, but also in a fashion world way. I just found this out when I was googling images of her, but she's on Time's list of 100 Influential People of 2008. They say, "she has an innate ability to mix street culture and society, always avoiding the caricatures that can define both worlds and always recognizing the mix of both worlds as the only catalyst of energy and creativity". She also kind of looks like Iggy Pop.

French Vogue doesn't seem as focused on typical beauties and boring models. IE Charlotte Gainsbourg got a whole issue to guest-edit! The cover looks really awesome.

She's a little overly-styled, but still. I want to read this issue. I find her whole family fascinating.

joaquin joaquin joaquin!

He's getting rougher and rougher, and the stress is taking a toll on everyone around him.

Get me this for Christmas

Please!

Say what you want, but

the Obamas look like a really close, loving family. My coworker sent me these pictures after the discovery of the Flickr election night album (which you can and should see here). And then I found some more.

Above is Sasha and her dad at the Iowa State Fair.

Below is Malia and her dad in Hawaii.


Here he's stepping off the plane on Monday 11/1:


And this baby is just not sure!


Check out a tonnnn more of these at http://www.huffingtonpost.com/news/obama-slideshow