Wretched Pop Star Countdown

JOP does the lion's share of bringing people together and creating harmony.

Not in this space! This is the new feature: Wretched Pop Star Countdown.
(WPSC will appear whenever the standings need to change.)

#5) Men
Fellas, where are you? The hottest act running is still a child. Usher is waaaay past his prime. Rappers like B.o.B and M.n.M. qualify for the pop charts. Where are you, Justin Timberlake?

#4) Florence + The Machine
Ranking based solely on the fact that she's British.

#3) Fergie
She's not a recent offender, but her work ruining eardrums in the last decade earned her a spot on the inaugural list. Have a listen to her singing in Nine.

Are you back? OK, what have we learned? First, she sounds great. Second, she sounds awful everywhere else. Ipso facto, she sings poorly ON PURPOSE. Producers for her and the Black Eyed Peas want her to suck. What have we come to, when awful singers are the norm for pop music? We've come to the top 2.

#2) Ke$ha
On principle should be No. 1, for providing songs as wretched as they are catchy. Comes off as totally insane, and not in a cute way. Take it from Christopher Woods, student at the Ivy League school where Kesha W/ Dollar Sign will soon perform:

“She’s the most talented musician I know. As far as pop music is concerned, hers has a really good musical quality to it.”

What Ivy League school is he from? That's right, Dartmouth. Yikes.

#1) Katy Perry
Congrats Katy! You earned the top spot, and inspired this new JOP feature, for your pitiful performance on SNL. She danced like an average 7th-grader. She and the lead guitarist had the chemistry of 7th-graders. Does she really, actually sound like that? How does someone like that get a record deal? Oh, right.