A Massage Story

I messed up my neck pretty bad at yoga last night, slept fine, and heard a pop this morning in the shower. Pain was shooting down through my right arm and up my neck, and for a minute I thought I'd had a stroke. But no: I just messed up my neck pretty bad. So all day I've been dreading any right turns I have to make, etc., and the receptionist at my office suggested I go to a chiropractor. I thought a massage would probably do the trick AND feel a lot better--and I've been super stressed out lately--so I booked an appointment.

For an hour-long "Swedish" (??) massage with a man named Stuart. The receptionist at the spa said "Stuart is very good," like they were lovers or something. And I'm really nervous! Does Swedish massage involve a lot of chopping? I've heard horror stories about deep-tissue massage; I hope this is different!

Another thing: an hour is a really long time. Will I get bored? Will my mind wander back to all the stuff that was stressing me out in the first place?

I'm sure it'll be fine. Better than fine, even? Check back tomorrow for the report, or: A Massage Story: Part Two: The Aftermath!

Gonzo

This has been going around the 'net, so I thought I'd post it here again to give it more coverage for our 5 readers & counting! A screenwriter/comic writer compares 30 Rock to The Muppet Show. I love the Muppet Show but think 30 Rock is just 'aight. Which is weird because this guy makes a great case for them being the same show. The few times I've watched 30 Rock it just seems annoying and grating. I guess critics of the Muppet Show could say the same thing about Kermit - but srsly with that face how can you??? Brian's comparison makes me want to watch more in detail if I happen to see 30 Rock again.

Sidenote - I noticed this on his twitter update feed:

Zack Morris is a trending topic, yet the entire cast of CALIFORNIA DREAMS dies forgotten. Life is not fair. about 7 hours ago

We were just talking about this show last night! California Dreams needs some recognition people! There were a lot of different cast photos - but I mostly remember the early years and the weird brother that looked like he was already 30. Was he supposed to be the heartthrob?

Psyched to Become a Librarian

Most of the time, my biggest joy about leaving work for grad school is leaving work. But sometimes, things like this make me anxious to get my degree going so I can go out and work again! And I have a hunch: I'm going to be the best librarian ever.

This book, Weetzie Bat, is something I've written about before, and it was one of my very favorites around the time I was in 8th-9th grade. There are a few books written after this one, about the same characters, and one of those is Baby Be-Bop. And right now, a member of the "Christian Civil Liberties Union" (pffffft) is suing a public library in Wisconsin for displaying Baby Be-Bop and "$120,000 in compensatory damages ($30,000 per plaintiff) for being exposed to the book in a library display, and the resignation of West Bend Mayor Kristine Deiss for 'allow[ing] this book to be viewed by the public.'"

Baby Be-Bop is just about as innocuous as it sounds. I've read everything Francesca Lia Block wrote about the Weetzie Bat characters, and it's right in line with the rest of the books. It focuses on Dirk, Weetzie's best friend, and his relationship with his grandmother. Dirk knows he's gay and he thinks about what that means and he falls in love, and that's pretty much it. It's a good book and I'd gladly let my kids read it. Or the kids of the community! Or anyone! I would never "seek the right to publicly burn" it, that's for sure!

And honestly, nobody has ever suffered $30,000 worth of emotional damage by looking at (not even reading!) a book in a display. Not to mention all the crappy implications of deciding your civil liberties supersede everyone else's, or of appointing yourself moral judge of a community. And are they serious about this asking-the-mayor-to-resign crap? Not on my watch, they wouldn't be! I can't wait to get out there and start defending our freedom, information-wise, right in line with the legit ACLU.

Heirloom Tomatoes: WTF!

I go to Whole Foods all the time when I'm hungry, and it's so stupid because I always walk out with $200 worth of vegetables I have to work around the clock to eat before they go bad. But everything looks good and I'm helpless against the temptation of "the wild bunch" mushroom pack and $4.99/lb cherries.

So last night I walked out with a bag of heirloom tomatoes. The best description I found was on this person's flickr page: "A true heirloom tomato is a cultivar whose seeds had been nurtured, selected, and handed down from one family member to another for many generations. What allows it to maintain the heirloom name is that no genetically modified organism (GMO) can be used in its production. It conjures up an image of backyard plant grown from hard-sought seeds, of rare fruit bursting in summer's heat."

I got home and sliced one up, and I was totally unprepared for what was inside. The exterior of this plant was green fading into red, and the interior was pretty much the same except it was black. Black, as in rotten? But the black flesh wasn't crumbly or mushy like rotting fruit is; it was as firm and clean as the rest of the tomato. Humm, must just be the color, I thought, and ate a mouthful of black tomato. Wrong! It was very, very bitter. And weird. So my next thought was: is this normal?

Let me do some more investigative work and get back to you.

Practical Summertime Advice

Three questions from three friends today. This first one was sent a while ago, but I think it's timely as I'm about to go to the beach for a long weekend and can't decide whether to pack suncreen or funscreen (aka tanning oil). Just kidding, sort of, but here it goes:

Dear Jar of Paperclips, every year is the same around this time...it's beginning to be skirt weather and me, a pasty white girl, have noticed other women who were just as white as me last month are now bahama mamas. should I be jealous of their bronzed, just got back from tahiti and used a bottle of tanning oil, look? even though I know they get their tan from uv bulbs in a strip mall in greensboro, it still sort of makes me wish I could have such a "base" tan in the beginning of May after a week of torrential storms. Any help on this issue would be wonderful.

I'm grappling with the same problem, so I don't know how helpful I'd be but: I have found Jergens "Natural Glow" products (and their competitors) to be very useful. My sister is really into tanning, and one look at her--sorry Liza! I love you!--is enough to dissuade me from too much real-life tanning. Just thinking about aging and cancer related to that mess is enough! My advice is: fake it with lotion and use sunscreen when you're outside. You should not be jealous of their look. When we're all in our 50's, you'll be hot, not withered.

And this one is from co-writer Kneeker:

whats the best post-sunburn treatment?

5 words: Aloe, aloe, aloe, aloe, aloe!

NEXT.

"Smithee" writes in:

I recently stumbled onto a scary, shall we say, sensitive scene while taking a walk along the river bank, and I think I may have gotten the PTSD. Now I feel confused and angry at inappropriate times. The neighbor kids have started calling me a "grouch"! How do I deal with this terrifying event?

Without getting into the whos, whats, whys, or hows of what you witnessed, you may be able to press charges criminally. From what I understand, sometimes this is helpful to victims of sensitive-in-nature crimes, but other times it's an exacerbator. If pressing charges isn't an option but you have money, consider talking to a therapist. Otherwise, you're going to have to de-program the freaked-outedness and continue taking walks along the same path, every day, until the memory fades. You can use yoga to deal with your anger; even deep breathing exercises will help you calm down during an "episode." Time will probably be the biggest healer of all, so just try to relax and breathe until it passes. Meditate on this peaceful new-age image. You know!

Jokefest 2009 Continued: More Heidi and Spencer

I guess the reality show didn't work out! Here they are back at LAX.

PS: Why are they so funny????? There's something about these two that cracks me up every time. Could it be their astounding lack of self-awareness? Or that they pose in pictures with Rod Blagojevich and aren't totally laughing about it? From the looks on their faces, there's no irony in sight. If anything, they seem a little nervous and wound-up! Nor is there any/much ironic pleasure in the pushups picture. And now this! And I forgot about the swine flu pics! Keep 'em coming, guys!

Jokefest 2009

'Joe the Plumber' expected at N.C. anti-tax rally

Hey Winnie

I have seen some ads for this show. I was thinking about going out there myself and f-ing things up. I haven't seen Spencer and Heidi running around. But I know they are very childish, and I do work with children, like these guys. So it's possible they've been by and I hadn't noticed. 

Here's what I do daily. I oversee kids reading for comprehension and call out math flash cards. I play basketball with them and constantly run around playing La Anda (tag). 

The kids come in voluntarily and do exercises in reading or math. They earn points for it, which they can redeem by buying toys, candy, or even playing on the Wii for a little bit. 

On Fridays we just play games and sports. They love soccer, like all other children around the world. I like playing Scrabble in Spanish, to boost my vocabulary. I beat a coworker last week, without cheating. I felt sad for the guy. Can you imagine losing a word game in English to someone who did not speak the language?

Happy Birthday!

JoP turned 1 on Saturday!!!$%^!#$ What a year it's been!!

A look at the best post from each contributor (as voted by me):

Meg: Death By Cute

Winnie: A Couple of Holiday Don'ts

Kneeker: CruSH LiTTLe BaBy

McGregor: The Birthplace: Big F'ing Deal

Susan: 2009

Don't agree? Have another favorite that didn't get mentioned? Let us know!

Hey Andy:

Does any of this sound familiar?

"Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag are causing all sorts of trouble on the set of "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here" and the thing hasn't even really started taping yet. According to Ryan Seacrest, of all people, the duo have been whining and bitching since they landed in Costa Rica and have even taken to talking trash about the other "celebrities" on the show. They're even threatening to walk out on the show! Now, we're sure that this is just a stunt to drum up publicity for the show, but whatever, maybe we'll get lucky and Lou Diamond Phillips will beat them senseless with coconuts and bamboo or something." [Gawker]

Since Costa Rica is so small! Let us know if you spot anything CraZy!